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....boom de odda...boom de odda.........man up......move on...
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Nov 8, 2008 9:12 am
6724 Views
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...ya know what....in life...sometimes....somethings happen to you......sometimes they are good things....sometimes they are bad things...and being only human....many use these circumstances as an excuse for whatever happens to them for the rest of their life....going to just name a few....and most likely ...there are millions of examples ...which I can point out....to show this ...but my fingers get sort of tired....tap....tap....tap......so I will just try to narrow it down to a few....
.....remember the times in grade school...in junior high school.....in high school....you remember those days...right....or maybe it was yesterday....or today....when teams were being selected for one or another type of event...sport or otherwise....sure you remember the order in which you were picked....depending on the order....hurt so much back then....didn't it...remember how you felt....good....bad...indifferent....and remember...the countless hours...trying to fix yourself up ...so that next time...it would be better for you....but that was then....and today is today...now is now.....time to man up.....time to move on....boom de odda...boom de odda....I love the way I am...sing it loudly...sing it proudly......you are still you....don't let it get you down...in reality...what happened back then had very little to do with you personally....and no matter what new you....you thought sprang from such incidents....you are still you....yea....you are still and always will be you....don't let it bring you down....nothing at all wrong with you........
.....remember the times back when...or for that matter....even yesterday or today......when you looked at yourself in the mirror.....and physically compared yourself to others.....and felt badly because you had this feeling deep inside somewhere....that you in no way......measured up to those to whom you compared yourself with.......think....remember...how it made you feel...good....bad...indifferent...but that was then....and today is today...now is now...time to move on....boom de odda....boom de odda...I love the way I am...sing it loudly...sing it proudly.......in reality....that image you saw or see in the mirror can be altered in a heartbeat.....48 chest....29 waist...but do you also know something else which is reality....no matter what you do...it is still you....yea...you are still and always will be you....don't let it bring you down....nothing at all wrong with you.....
....remember the times back long ago....or for that matter...even yesterday or today...when you did not have the best of clothes....the fanciest car or bike....the most money....the biggest home....the in crowd.....remember how you felt ....good...bad...indifferent...as you looked at those around you....and you promised to yourself......that ..someday...somehow....someway...that it will be me....but that was then...and today is today....now is now...time to move on....boom de odda....boom de odda...I love the way I am....sing it loudly...sing it proudly.....because in reality...the clothes....the money...the fancy cars and bikes...the biggest homes....being in the supposedly in crowd .....don't make you who you are.....no matter what you do...it is still you.........yea...you are still and always will be you....don't let it bring you down...nothing at all wrong with you......
.....if it is not being picked first....if it is not having the body of a fine athlete....if it is not all the worldly riches...then what could it possibly be ....holding one back from seeing that oneself...is ok....was it really a mistake to hold all this in for so long a time....or did it all serve some type of unknown purpose....dunno...dunno...the answer....just know how the feeling one has inside sometimes and finally realizes...it is not fair to have to feel like this....think.....think.....remember...remember...what is it which allows some to get past this point...and while others continue to ....live it....day after day.....dunno...dunno...dunno..what it is ..dunno if it is the same button which needs to be pushed for everyone to finally enjoy who they are.....dunno...if each the other has his or her own idea as to what this something inside is which makes it all right and just to move on...dunno ...what it is which helps one person to gain the confidence to accept....and other to live in a far too long memory.......a memory...of being picked...or not be picked.....a memory...of being molested....or not molested....a memory of losing a loved one....a memory of having nothing....a memory of having it all....what does it all mean....if anything........why is it so important for so many to constantly remind oneself of who and what we think we were.....and not who we are right now....this moment in time....why is it so hard .....for so many ....to comprehend ....that when we look at ourselves.....whether it be in the past...the present...or the future....that today is today...now is now...you are still you...yea...you are still and always will be you....don't let it bring you down....nothing at all wrong with you....so man up...move on.....boom de odda....boom de odda...I love the way I am....sing it loudly...sing it proudly...
..once again...OP is a site for adults....so if you find it hard being one...and find a need to use this post to write something detrimental to any member on this site...not going to happen...find another way to do it...
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22
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Shhhh....the trees are falling asleep
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Oct 26, 2008 8:21 pm
5282 Views
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...a worker comes home after a long day at work.....sits himself down....looks around...thinks....what a day....need to relax.....an athlete goes into the locker room after a hopefully well played game...sits himself down....looks around....thinks...what a day...need to relax......a tree stands alone along some byway....giving to all an opportunity to behold its beauty......it stands in all its weariness....looks around....thinks....what a season....need to relax a little.............a worker....an athlete....a tree.....all doing what is expected of them.....but in the end.....who cares....someone...dunno....noone....dunno...will there ever come a time.....when all will see and understand the real values of the worker......the athlete.....the tree...dunno...don't really know for sure.....do we regard the time spend by the worker as merely time used to serve us and our needs......as they produce goods and products for our various pleasures...and needs..........do we regard the time spend by the athlete as merely time used to serve us in the form of entertainment....do we regard the time spend by the tree in its long and lonely travels .... from a mere seedling to a beautiful work of nature for us to behold in awe.......who knows for sure how each the other regards these standards of nature....a million people....most likely....a million different points of view.......guess all comes down to the simple thought.....you have your ideas as to what something stands for or does not stand for.....and others have their ideas as to what something stands for or does not stand for.......don't understand the point I am trying to make here....huh...well...just look around the site here...old OP....different thoughts....different beliefs...different likes....different dislikes.....I look around the site OP and see these differences staring at me no matter where I look...the blogs...the profiles...the chat rooms...the cams...see it all over....and you know what...it brings a smile to my face....sure...a smile...for a lot of reasons this smile appears...but mostly it appears because down deep I am getting a chance ...an opportunity ... to view a life style...which I am finding very confusing to me....and at the same time ...a life style which I would like to possibly embrace....have not made up my mind as of yet.....I look around OP and am being given the opportunity to see it all in one place...and this does not by any means ...mean that I am not also looking out in the real world for some answers....and every where I look...I see these different thoughts ...different beliefs..different experiences... and I like it...then it happens...the thing which separates OP from the real world....I see something happen here on OP ....and not in the real world...(..mostly because in the real world....I do not get as good a look at things as I do on OP..because I can see peoples thoughts expressed here....on the site....)...yeah I see it happen time and time and time again here on OP.....drama...drama....drama...this drama makes me feel sort of sad....and sometimes thoughts go running through my head....I wonder if the worker worries about not being an athlete...a tree.........I wonder if the athlete worries about not being a worker....a tree......I wonder if the tree worries about not being a worker....an athlete.....sounds silly ...doesn't it....I don't really know what the worker...the athlete...or the tree is thinking about ....the point is why should anyone really care what they they think or do...they are hurting no one......there is no drama...drama...drama...amongst them....at least none that I am aware of............but for some reason...the needless drama that pops up once in a while here on OP...( ..and I am not talking about how some guys...work each other over in fun...)..makes me feel stuff like....when will the realization that different thoughts...different beliefs...different physical traits....different life styles...will and should always be around in this world...and be a part of everyone's thoughts...when will some realize that they are getting an opportunity to grow in an atmosphere where it is ok to accept these differences and use them as an opportunity to grow .....makes me feel stuff like ...when will the realization come about...of someone's words in a recent blog...concerning many people of this lifestyle...being their own worst nightmare in gaining acceptance into the global world....and that you can't keep blaming others people and things around you for this unacceptance as you can not even accept it yourself.......yea...sure.....it bothers me...because people out in the real world are ready for you...me...and everyone else...and from the way things play out here on OP at times...it just makes me see that we act as if we do not want to be a part..we want to be the whole show...and this bothers me...as a person on the verge...of deciding........because I want to live in a global world described to me by my Parents the night we dicussed my desire to want to try man to man...a world which will still love me...respect my happiness...no matter what my choice to spend the rest of my days with turns out to be.......whether it be with a girl...whether it be with a guy...whether it be with a giraffe...whether it be with a monkey....whether it is to be alone or not...my happiness and others happiness is whats important to me...it is one world and we are all a part of it.........
....this is for you keeperofthegoal....you asked me a while ago...what I really think of OP...this is it...I think that OP has been a good place to be...confusing as all hell...but a good place...
.....and once again...if you want to use this blog to personally slam myself or another member of Op..take it somewhere else...
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11
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I will grow up..I am a Global....I am not a Woodstocker
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Oct 5, 2008 8:52 pm
5100 Views
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...in the past few weeks or so...received about 600 plus private messages here on OP..(...thanks Steve..)...some messages good...some messages bad....some messages of a sexual nature...others not.....some messages just to say hi....some messages just to BS...some messages just to ask me questions of a personal nature.....some messages sent just to invite me to join that fantasy world which OP calls ...."...network of friends..."...(..looking for someone to create a blog on the so called network of friends and help me to understand the whole idea behind it...whereas one person invites someone to be a part of their friends network and then after the initial offer....one hardly ever has another interaction with that individual...maybe the word friend means something else which I am not grasping too well....).......but you know what...for some unknown reason...I press that button to become a bud......even though in many cases ...don't want to.......dunno.......dunno why.......dunno why I do it...........these messages that I am talking about come from all sorts...some messages are from those that are older then myself...some messages are from those that are younger or the same age as myself....some messages are those that are lonely and reaching out...some messages are those from a so called jock...( ..and per this site a jock ranges from age 18 to infinity...)flexing his bravado trying to impress someone........the messages come from all types of people...........the messages are from all types of places...a farm.....the big city...Europe...the Orient...wherever....a person resides....it seems yoy have people reaching out for what ever reason.......searching for that certain something...or someone....to bring some sort of fulfillment into their lives...once again dunno what their reason is...I dunno the majority of these people and why they do what they do....and what is bad...is the fact that I do not really know if I want to make the effort to find out why they come into my life so quickly and then disappear....returning every once in a while to say..."..hi...how are you...bud.".....can only say to these people..."...have a nice life...spread your wings...keep searching...what you may be looking for is surely out there someplace....good luck to you..."....on the other side of the proverbial coin...there are those individuals who message and stay around and truly try to discover a new person...new ideas...new thoughts...and give to there sender an opportunity to see other points of views...for both of these types of people...I thank them for coming into my life and sharing for whatever length of time they spend...I thank OP for giving me the opportunity to interact with all these cultures and lifestyles....and at the same time....I thank my educational background for giving me the tools enabling me to interact with these different types of people......a smile just came to my face...as I wrote the previous sentence...as I remembered something from grade school...I remembered the words of Sister Laurentine...my 5th grade teacher...as she said to the class so many times....."....someday...you will find a use for the words I speak today....(...she would walk around the room at this point and her lily white finger would point to Phyllis....to Mark...to Carol...to Joseph...to me...)..that is what my job is...to prepare you for that day ...and I am not Nostradamus and can not see the time my words will we welcomed into your life...it could happen to you in the next second from now..could happen to any one of you in the next minute from now.....an hour...a day...a week...a month...a year...an eternity...or whenever... dunno...dunno...dunno...( just realized where I picked up saying dunno came from.....go figure...)...but this I do know...when that day comes...you...each of you....will be prepared ...and you.... each of you...will remember my words I speak to you today...and when you do remember ....a smile will come upon your face......and that will be my reward...."...guess we all had a Sister Laurentine type in our lives at one time or another......and if you say you did not...sit down....relax...think about it...look backwards...and you will realize that we never...ever...walk alone in life....even though at times it feels so lonely and all hope is gone...there is always someone's words in our hearts and minds guiding us without us ever realizing it...locked away somewhere deep inside...waiting for that right moment...and then we get that smile...and realize...we understand.....that our smile is a beacon which honors all those who uttered words to us and put us where we are today......look to the left of this blog...see my photo...can you understand now why I smile and will you understand that you do not have to ask me time and again......why I smile...thirdly and probably the most important people who need thanking is my Family...a Family...who together raised me to turn my back to no one...as one never knows where these words to guide you through life will come from...be friends to the old...be friends to the young...the rich...the poor...the book educated...the street educated..( a term which I learned from SOHO...)..to all cultures...to all people...my Family...who often said to me...that in life you will have many choices to make...and when you are in doubt as to which one best suits your needs....embrace them all...as there are no rules...saying that you are not allowed to do follow all the options......and in that way...you will not have a regret or doubt as to whether you made the right or the wrong choice.........yup...many messages have come across my life lately...and some how in time...they get answered either politely or otherwise...but never ignored......that is except one....the question asked most of me......."..when will you post your next blog..."...responding to these inquiries as this and trying to keep myself together...usually just respond to the person doing the asking...what is it you want me to post..about what I ask to you do you want me to talk about.....their replies bedazzle me as they come up with some pretty fascinating stuff...and I smile because down deep..I realize that I have the ability to BS through quite a few topics...just like many other people do around me...but I don't really have the gonads or desire to pull that type of stuff off.......a few days ago...I once again was asked by someone...when will I write another blog...it was from someone called MRTEE....of course..just as I did to the others...I asked him outright...what is it he wanted me to post about...and he responded a few days after in his typical MRTEE way...went something like this......"can't make that decision for you.....has to come from you...not his exact words...but the idea is there..."..sort of shook me up...but as I read his words...he was so right...he was being straight up with me...should have seen it coming...(...see all you guys who think that I am so mature for my age...you give me too much...much too much credit....)...here was a guy...MRTEE...giving to me the same advice that I gave to a kid called Parker a little over a month or so ago........the advice...a person's decision should depend on you making them yourself...not someone else doing or making them for you...thanks MRTEE.....today...went to Church...studied for awhile...ran...ate lunch...watched sports on TV...J/O ed...and tried as MRTEE suggested and tried to understand what was it that bothered me enough in life that I could post about......hell....I am 22 years old....everything is confusing to me...and gets my attention in one way or another...my Family...my friends....my sexuality...economics...war...girls....a certain girl....Parker...OP...pain...lonliness.....need I go on...figure you get the point...there is not a thing in my environment that I do not have a doubt about or can't make some type of comment about....... I... like everyone else ...also have the desire to be a part of something...and yet be independent.......and I like everyone else .....have a desire to be intelligent enough to realize that sorrow as well as joy will be part of my life...and I like everyone else .....have a desire to be intelligent enough to realize that all the answers I need in life are not yet within me...but they are within my grasp if I seek them out...and I like everyone else realize...that I do not want to be lonely...even though at times of my life I realize that there is stuff I need to do on my own.....and yup...I am intelligent enough to know that it is all within me and that I am just a normal guy...and step by step...will make it to manhood...I am a Global... I am not a Woodstocker never vowing to grow old...
appreciate your responds...but do not intend to post any response which either belittles me or any other person...adults...being ...adults...
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My Dad....and me.....
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Sep 15, 2008 11:09 am
7554 Views
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....for me....it has been a rough road to travel going from childhood...to boyhood...to teenhood...and hopefully someday adulthood....and in my particular case...manhood...as I am a male by birth .........parents say....friends say....teachers say....TV says....women say...men say....experts say...peers say......yup......seems like it to me that everyone...or just about everyone...has something to say as to what route is the correct path for a youth to take in order for him or her to reach that promised land called adulthood.......and what brings a smile to my face....is the fact....that all these entities doling out this advice seems to put all youths in the same package with a nice ribbon wrapped around it to keep us all in place.....as if we are all the same.....as if we all possess the same characteristics...as if we all possess the same family backgrounds....as if we all possess the same intelligence....as if we all possess the same dreams and aspirations in and of life.....it brings a smile to my face because in my world...... I see the flaws to this approach of doling out advice.........all I have to do is to look to the right of me....to look to the left of me....to look behind me....to look in front of me....to see that we are all different in so many respects...and I guess that is why we have the word ...individual ...in our vocabulary....dunno....can just be a starry eyed guy mumbling here.......just don't know.....
....so many people throughout my life....whether they were teacher's...friends...strangers...peers...have approached me and and commented......oh *******..... you express yourself so well.....you act so grown up.....you are wise beyond your years....and my personal favorite ....you are an old soul...( ...wish the hell I knew what that meant...)......so many members....here on OP...have made the same or similar comments to me concerning my demeanor..........either through email messages....through comments on my blogs...through comment on the phone when speaking to each other....or through comments when meeting in person.........to these comments....I once again need to answer....I dunno...I guess it is because I do not see any difference between me and the billions of others living in our world....I cry...I smile...I breathe....I make mistakes...I do weird things...I walk...I run...I talk...I write...I get confused....I interact with other people and things like everyone else.....dunno ...why people come to this conclusion....I am just a young guy....scared....confused...and every once in a while showing a glimpse of arrogance....that is the real me........and when I am feeling this state of fear...confusion.....and knowingly feel overwhelmed in understanding my feelings......I tend to turn to the only people I trust to give me guidance in an honest...fair...understanding way......those people are my Family....people who would never tell me what to do....people who help me figure out what I want to do....and help me walk the steps needed to pursue my own goals in life......my own dreams in life.......people who guide me....people who make me do the work while they watch me step by step........( and I guess that is what I was doing with Parker....the 15 year old boy in my blog......."...a kid told me this...."....listening to him.....but not interfering with the decisions he had to make for himself.... guess my Parents rubbed off on me...go figure....).....
...my immediate family consists of a Mom...a Dad...one Sister.....and five Brothers....of which I am the second to the youngest....... this blog is the interaction between one of these family members and myself....could have picked any one of them...as they all give the same to me as I give to them....but I picked my Dad .....the interaction between Father and Son..........my Dad and me........my Dad.....a man whom I never had to ask...Do you love me...?...a man... who always helped me to realize where I stood....a man who showed to me through the look in his eyes as he watched me grow that he cared for me.....a man....who showed me his feelings for me through a touch of his hand on my shoulder as he spoke to me.....or the kiss on the cheek ...or the shake of my hand whenever we parted....the way he reacted and still reacts to the things that I say and the things that I do...(like be on this site and find out about my feelings...)...and in the fair manner he helps me separate reality from unreality.....I remember his words as he was molding us kids....whispered so many times to each of us......"....every lie you tell or live to cover your inadequacies...the deeper you get into not being able to control your life....live the life of an uncomplicated man.....it is so much easier that way..."...( ..his word...someone elses....don't know....just heard them spoken so much throughout my growing period...).........
.......my Dad is soon to be 48.....my Dad was born a Midwestern guy with midwestern values handed down from his Parents...my Grandparents...my Dad is an American of German descent....hence the reason why I am able to speak German....my Dad is a farmer....my Dad is a state trooper....my Dad is a husband...my Dad is a Father...my Dad is a friend to many .......my Dad has been part of my life since my first breath.....he was there when my first steps were taken...my Dad was there when my first words were spoken...my Dad was there when I was toilet trained....my schooling....when my work ethics were being formed.....my Dad was there when I had fears to conquer....a smile to give. or need.....and so much more....my Dad was there giving me and teaching me the masculine as well as the gentle side of being a good person....my Dad was there when I was sexually molested when I was 16 years old by one of his closest friends...( and to this day remains friends with the guy.....)....my Dad was with me and held me together when the biggest tragedy of my life hit me at age 17 ......but mostly he was there...when I just needed to sit outside on a cool summer's night...alone with just him ...and be allowed to just stare up at the night sky....and quietly dream.........yup.....that's my Dad....the guy who brought me my first condoms....( an experience I am sure we both will not ever forget...)...the guy who spanked me when I needed it....the guy who lectured....lectured...lectured me....every time my arrogance reared its little head...when it had no need to arise...the guy who taught me that being a part of something....is much more important than beings its shining star ......he is the guy who readied me for this day which I am presently living ....and I thank him from the bottom of my heart for doing so......
.....and once again....need to state...feel free to comment as you see fit....but if you tend to use this post....to make a detrimental remark to hurt anyone because it irks you......I say to you....write your own blog...cause it is not welcomed here....adults being adults....
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my first week is winding down...
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Aug 30, 2008 5:02 am
4741 Views
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...I have been here in Boston since Monday morning...did not take me too long to get homesick....really miss ..my friends...and also being able to go to my bedroom window...look out...and see miles...and miles...and miles...of open fields...but I am sure...that in time...will make some new friends here at school to hang with....also get to meet a few guys from OP who live here on the East Coast with whom I have been messaging back and forth...and the look from my bedroom window now...what could I say about that...how could I replace the view from back home and the freedom I always felt looking at those fields....trying to replace this memory from my mind...is just not working so well....my host family took me to Newport, Rhode Island...a beautiful place...the mansions...and oh...the ocean...both things we don't have much of back home... you guys here on the East Coast...hopefully when you get to gaze out over the ocean...you get that same feeling I receive when overlooking our fields in the Midwest.....a friend...FBA...took me to a sporting event in a neighboring state which was good time....the amount of students and others attending the event was beyond belief....floored me...it was so crowded with excited fans for the first home game of the season...coming from a small high school and had little representation from the student body for any sporting event.........my new school....got to meet the Provost...got to meet the Chancellor..(.. I had no idea what or who these guys were...in my high school we had a principal...but I did learn pretty quick as to the importance of these two...).....got to put a pic of myself on a bulletin board with a little paragraph introducing myself to other students.. ( it is a custom here for the new students to do this...the pic that I used...yup...my new haircut pic...see the staple marks in it after I took the pic down...)...custom...tradition...those seem to be the favorite words here.....so much is tradition..something we had very little of in my old high school...of course...back home...we had some...but not anywheres near what there is here.....here we have the Great Hall...the Dome... which rivals even the Golden Dome of Notre Dame....the tradition of rubbing the nose of George Eastman...the founder of Eastman Kodak...for good luck........here at school....the entrance to campus...called here ....Building 7...it is so beautiful ...and so different from my old high school where we parked in a parking lot behind the school and walked into the school building through a back door which meant so little to those entering or exiting .....and this is just the campus....I have yet to go off campus ( ...except for my haircut...)...can't even imagine what I am going to run into and see ..in the city of Boston and the surrounding area itself...will be able to see only things that I have either read about in school textbooks...or seen on television...various people on OP...who live in the area...of Boston...have messaged me and are willing to show me around this great place...called Bean Town..and have assured me that this town has a lot to offer....but we will see...if all these things which it has to offer...can help the pain of feeling homesick...once a Midwesterner...always a Midwesterner...but I surely will give it a try.......well it is about 8AM here on the East Coast...and today...my host family is taking me to NYC for today and tomorrow...more buildings to see....and my first opportunity to see things that I have only read about...hope you guys have a nice holiday weekend
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beginning school in the big city
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Aug 23, 2008 3:57 am
4191 Views
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I leave for school in Boston this coming Monday...being a small town guy...sort of afraid to be going to a big city...but ..I guess...it is something I have to do...it has been really great here on OP this summer...and I surely hope the Profs give me some free time to come back here once in a while...we will see..met a lot of nice people and hope to keep in contact with them...hope to keep you guys informed about my life in the big city...
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...a kid asked me this ....
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Aug 17, 2008 4:55 am
7144 Views
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...................................................................................................................................................................................................a few days ago...had not too much to do...my family ..they were all into doing whatever they had to do..it was about 10 AM... left the farm....decided to go into town...in my truck riding the 20 or so miles into town was sweet...the sky was so blue and the temp had cooled off a little....felt good after all that heat we had...my old truck was running pretty good...seeing wildlife along the way....waving to neighbors as I passed...felt like I was on cloud nine...nothing...but nothing bothered me at the moment...down deep..sort of felt like a high school kid again...felt like that even though I know I am not a high school kid anymore...entering the town...saw the drug store....stopped in front of it for a moment or two...yes ...the drug store...not the pharmacy..where my Parents bought me ice cream...yup...they did..and it was the place where my Dad bought me my first condoms after me countless times entering the store trying to buy them myself ...and leaving because I was so embarrassed to do it myself...it was a day which will remain with me forever...the look on my Dad's face when he realized the size he had to buy..long funny story covering a matter of six days before I actually had the condoms in my hand..or the top draw of the bureau in my bedroom..started the truck back up and continued on down the street...none of my friends seemed to be around...drove a little..parked my truck...got out and sat on a bench in front of the bank..just watching people...and every once in a while someone would say .."hi, how's your family..".. "..good to see you back home..."...and every once in a while a horn would honk and I would hear someone yell out to me...."...sort of reminded me of the line in my profile here on OP.." you could always still dance with the one you love at your Senior Prom...".. I guess what I wrote in the those words...I was experiencing right then at that moment...I was in my home town...in my heart and in my mind at that moment I was still that kid ......but like all things...the moment came to an end...someone sat down on the bench next to me...cell phone...ear jacks for the music I guessed.....cargo pants...tee shirts...bike...all the stuff a typical teen has with himself or herself for survival ..I guess..upon looking at the kid...figured he was about 12 years old...I found out later that he was 15 going on 42...yup..the moment came to an end as I heard the words..." mister, can I ask you something...".. mister..???? ..my first time..a kid called me that....of course you can ask me a question..with sort of a smirk on my face...but not saying anything about the mister bit..he stood up and said .."is your name...*****..."...I said yes..that is my name......he then said..."really..".. I answered..."yes,really..."..the smile on the kid's face then disappeared..as he looked me straight in the eyes and asked..very seriously.." if we fall...will I get hurt..." I did not know exactly what he was talking about..but from the look on his face and the tone of his voice..it was something serious to him...I guess he saw the look on my face..and proceeded ( a military word) to explain himself....fumbling around for words to try and explain himself...he blurted out.."my country...if it falls..will I be hurt.."..my mouth dropped....much like my Dad's did the day he bought me my condoms and found out the size I needed..( I realized at that moment what my Dad must have been experiencing..)...the kid...just kept talking...about things he saw and sees and read and reads in the papers...about what he sees and hears on television...what he hears adults saying..he kept talking...talking...talking...and he tried to make me talk about it..but I just listened...I was in amazement at some of the words he spoke...he rambled on about what he meant by being hurt...had nothing to do with losing tv's...cell phones...dances...music...fast cars...or any other material thing which you see just about every other teen ...carrying..wishing for..or having now a days...this guy was 15...and this guy was more worried about being able to grow up into what he wanted himself to be...and this guy was more worried about being able to grow up and think what he wanted himself to think and read about...and this guy was worried about growing up and being able to be free...he eventually stopped talking and looked at me...he wanted an honest answer...the quiet seemed like an eternity...I had no answers for him......hell...I wanted to cry seeing a 15 year old have to think about stuff like this...how many others of them out there are thinking in this way....(and I am not just talking this country...talking about the world..) ...what have we done...when a 15 year old kid...can not be just a 15 year old kid.....finally I put my hand on his shoulder..." I am sorry...I am so sorry...I do not have an answer...I can not see the future and what it holds for me...for you...or for anyone else...I can only take the words which you spoke to me today ...make them part of me...and I can only hope that all will be well....and your words..now being part of me...means that you no longer have to face what you are worrying about by yourself...we are now two people worrying about it... we talked some more and listened to each other..we left the bench and walked through town..spend about 2-3 hours more together that day...parted our ways...driving back home..the words just kept running through my mind...why...why...why... should a kid have to think about stuff like that..only one thing rang through my mind...ADULTS BEING ADULTS...
PS..just too let you know..up front...feel free to comment on the above...but if you have a desire or need to use this forum to make a detrimental comment on myself or someone else...find another way to do it...try being what you supposedly are...an adult...
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