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The Parent Trap
11/26/2011 10:09 pm Last Read: |
I know straight men are saps when it comes to children but are gay men also susceptible? I moved to my children’s home town last January. At first it was great. I’d pick them up after school and they’d practically knock me over by jumping into my arms. Things started to go wrong last March when Mike and I moved into our town home. That's when my second oldest daughter decided she’d rather stay with mom on the weekends she was supposed to be with me. And like the sap that I am I said “sure, I can be flexible.” Over the summer, my sons made friends with the neighbor kids and our town home became Grand Central Station. My second oldest daughter came occasionally but spent most of the time on her cell phone reporting back to her mother everything that went on here. In September I found out that they and their mother were homeless and sneaking in and out of their 82 year old grandmother’s one bedroom efficiency. In court, I was awarded placement of my children for the month of October and I guess you could say that’s when the real drama began. They came home with lice, started asking me questions like “why did you lie in court daddy?“ and I even had the cops knocking at my door. The police were following up on a report someone had made about disturbing texts from my oldest daughter’s cell phone. These texts state that I tap her on the buttocks while she’s ascending the stairs and call her inappropriate names like “Sugar Pie” and “Honey Bumps.” It is not in her nature to lie but I honestly don’t remember tapping her on the buttocks while ascending the stairs. The only thing I can think of is, since she hasn’t quite mastered the art of walking and talking at the same time (yes, she's a blonde), that I may have bumped her on the behind with a laundry basket to get her moving again. As for calling her “Sugar Pie” and “Honey Bumps,” that’s a misquote of a song I often sing while doing the dishes... “…Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch. You know that I love you. I can’t help myself. It’s all you and nobody else…” Regardless of which, October began with three of my four kids living with me and ended with only one. The child psychologist says the reason they don’t want to come is because my partner Mike “yells at them too much.” Granted Mike is kinda nit picky but he‘s really only yelled at them once. The shrink says it doesn’t matter because in a child’s mind nit picking is still interpreted as yelling and that this should be coming from dad because Mike hasn’t “earned his stripes” yet. Not that the psychologist is completely off base but I do think it’s awfully strange none of this was a problem before October. In fact, the kids had established a pretty loose rapport with Mike. They had no qualms at all calling him weird to his face (Mike's spiritual). and when he pointed out how nice it was that a sleep over guest actually carried her dishes to the kitchen my 2nd oldest daughter didn't hesitate to respond with "you had to say that didn't you" and it was laughed off. I also think it’s strange that the shrink doesn’t even want to know about the content of the reports the children's mother has been making with child protective services. She claims Mike “takes naps with my four-year-old behind locked doors” and that my four-year-old's “anus appeared stretched.” The shrink simply asked if any of those reports been investigated? The actual term CPS uses is “screened out” which means no, they did not investigate. Now it’s Thanksgiving weekend and despite the fact that this is my holiday to have the children, only the youngest is here. God I love that little guy. None of his older siblings pressuring have any effect on him - “No, no. You don’t want to go with daddy. You want to go with mommy. Right?“ He just swats them away like flies, grins really big and says “Yes I do! I wanna go with daddy!” But I did take the shrinks advice and send my second oldest daughter a card with a picture of a cat (her favorite animal) saying “Just curious about how you’ve been.“ Much to my surprise she actually said “yes” to my bowling invitation this afternoon. Of course the condition was that Mike couldn’t be there. Mike agreed to stay home and it was a nice outing - somewhat strained, but pretty close to old times… well… until mom showed up just as we were finishing the last frame. She bought me a beer which I didn’t touch and a Capt. Coke which I took two sips of. I left when the girls then began playing songs from the jukebox that were popular when their mother and I were dating. They had also invited me to the roller rink where their mother and I first met. The whole scene was beginning to feel a bit too much like Disney’s “THE PARENT TRAP.” "Make it so." - Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, USS Enterprise |
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 11/27/2011 5:24 am |
It sounds like you wife is manipulating the girls. i don't envy you this situation. Just be their Dad and they will eventually know your love is true. Split Families are hard on kids. XOXO Jack Take the road less travelled.
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11/27/2011 8:58 am |
Hey Mark; It sounds eerily like my little brothers life. (Except he's not gay.) I have found, over the years, that one of the biggest problems with kids today is the child wellfare department of health and human services. They like to stick their ignorant noses into things that don't concern them and then only believe what they want to believe. (Which is usually what the incompetent mother states.) PArents need to be allowed to raise their own kids. Good luck. Hugs; T "Can't means you won't try."
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11/27/2011 9:05 am |
Remember mark. three years ago your wife was asking you to surrender all visitation rights and not be involved at all in the children's lives except for supplying child support. Just keep loving them. Love comes in many way's. Mike
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11/27/2011 11:58 am |
The saga continues! Perhaps another book? Manufactured things to cast doubt on you and on Mike. I guess no one should be surprised. The scars the mother is leaving on those kids will be hard to erase. I guess that never occurred to her. Just think how much good she could do for them if her focus were on doing good than on hurting you! Whitney
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11/27/2011 4:24 pm |
It's got to be tough being a parent. Just be true to you. Live, love and trust the process. One day your children will realize the truth.
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11/28/2011 3:21 pm |
Hi Mark the hardest job in the world is being a parent.Children learn early on in life what buttons to push in thier parrents to get what they want. Remember you are the adult and they are the children, they do not tell you what to do. My son is now 31 and we still butt heads. I used to say I cant wait till he turns 18 and then I thought my job was done.(WRONG) Once a parent always a parent. From you past stories I wouldnt put any thing past your ex wife. just be careful where CPS is involved. She can F-ck up your world.I miss your blogs and I am always looking for them.take care and Good luck, and Hi Mike.
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