Birds of a feather
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Oct 6, 2011 11:58 am
3369 Views
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Birds of a feather flock together . ..
And then poop on your car.
A penny saved is a
Government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher
It is to lose weight, because by
Then your body and your fat have
Gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find
Something lost around the
House is to buy a replacement ...
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman
Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL'.
The sole purpose of a child's
Middle name is so he can
Tell when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice: When you
Put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS'
Together it spells 'Theirs....'
Aging: Eventually you will
Reach a point when you stop
Lying about your age and
Start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back
Their odometers. Not me, I want
People to know 'why' I look this
Way. I've traveled a long way and
Some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and
Would like to go back to your
Youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting
Old when everything either
Dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no
One tells you about aging
Is that it is such a nice change
From being young. Ah, being
Young is beautiful, but being
Old is comfortable.
Lord, Keep your arm around
My shoulder and your hand Over my mouth . . ..AMEN
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2 Alligators
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Sep 17, 2011 5:23 am
3349 Views
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Two Alligators were sitting around talking, and the smaller
Alligator turned to the bigger one & said, 'I can't understand how
You can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids.
I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Gator, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Gator.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol'
'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars & wait for one to
Unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake
The shit out of them and eat 'em! '
'Ah!' says the big Alligator, 'I think I see your problem.. You're
Not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish
Shaking the shit out of a politician, there's nothing left but an
Asshole and a briefcase.
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PHENOMENAL 2 LETTER WORD!!
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Sep 15, 2011 6:17 pm
3451 Views
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I'm sure you will enjoy this. I never knew one word in the English language that can be a noun, verb, adj, adv, prep.
UP
Read until the end ... you'll laugh.
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We callUP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, lookUP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!
Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?
U
P!
Did that one crack you UP?
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6
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A Groaner
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Sep 14, 2011 8:13 pm
3399 Views
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So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda ticked off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were green like the other toads.. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway ... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother.
He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me green like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators."
The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says, "Toadra-capokus! You're green!"
The toad looks down and sees that he is green except for his package, which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother: "Wait a minute! My pecker's still yellow!"
To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don't do johnsons. You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that." The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.
There is a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he also encounters the very same fairy godmother. He implores her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like all the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account that the hunters can spot me from a mile off."
She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand and says:"Bearus-cadabra! You're brown!"
The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the ole twig and berries. They remain purple. He says: "My Wang is still purple!" She says: "I don't do units, you will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."
To this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how the hell do I find The Wizard of Oz?"
The fairy godmother answers: "That's easy ... just follow the yellowdick Toad!"
Are you kidding me?!
Would you have READ this thing if
I had given a Groaner Alert at the beginning...????!!
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6
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One Day More
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Sep 2, 2011 3:07 am
3719 Views
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Another day, another long weekend.
For me it is just another day, another weekend no different then any other day or weekend.
I try to live each day fully to the best of my ability, Each one is a gift worthy of celebration.
Happy day, happy weekend!
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7
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Out of Sorts
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Aug 31, 2011 9:20 am
3554 Views
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I've been feeling out of sorts lately. I would be content to just spend my time sleeping. I'm at the point where I'm sick of people. It's been an effort at times to get out and walk. Still in spite of how I feel I have been making the effort. I spent Monday at mom's and have been going out and hitting a couple of 12 step meetings every week. Isolating makes things worse.
Physically, other then having no energy, I'm feeling good. So, what's going on?
The main thing that has me out of sorts is that I haven't heard from Phil for two weeks. It's not unusual for him to drop out of sight every so often but usually for not this long. I know he is getting ready to move and then start school in Florida next month so he has a lot to get done. He may have decided he needed to get some space on his own.
It frustrates me when I can't get a hold of him and he doesn't met me know what's going on. I'm so use to have daily contact with him that when he's not around he takes the sunshine out of my life with him. Of course getting him to open up and share can be a challenge all it's own. I've learned that it's just best to accept him for who he is and trust that he will share with me what is going on if and when he chooses.
Oh, I know that I shouldn't let someone else control the way I feel. He's the only one who has that power over me and I am hopelessly devoted to him.
Love is not rational, it is just IS!
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Signs...
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Aug 24, 2011 7:04 am
3671 Views
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Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr.. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in. "
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
At a Tire Shop inMilwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
******** ******************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push.."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully We'll wait."
**********************
On the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"
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5
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Vitamin F
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Aug 23, 2011 2:19 am
3817 Views
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A friend shared this article with me and I want to share it with you.
Why do I have a variety of friends who are all different in character ?
Some of them might be considered marginal even ?
How do I get on with them all ?
I think that each one helps to bring out a "different" part of me.
With one of them I am polite. I joke with another friend.
I sit down and talk about serious matters with one of them.
With another I giggle at every silly thing.
I have my wine with one and dance with another.
I listen to one friend's problems and give them advice.
Then I listen to another advising me.
They are all like pieces of a jigsaw,
When completed they form a treasure box.
A treasure of friends!
They are my friends who often understand me better than myself,
who support me through good days and bad days.
They are like colorful anti-depressants that I take on different days.
Real Age doctors tell us that friends are good for our health.
Dr. Oz calls them Vitamins F (from Friends) and counts the benefits of friends to our well being.
Research shows that people in strong social circles have less risk of depression and terminal strokes.
If you take Vitamin F constantly you can seem 20 years younger than your actual age.
The warmth of friendship can help stop stress and tense moments.
It decreases the chance of a cardiac arrest or stroke, some researchers say.
I am so happy that I have a stock of Vitamin F!
In summary we should value our friends and keep in touch with them.
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6
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Saints Be Praised
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Aug 16, 2011 4:56 am
3679 Views
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Today is the 34th aviversary of the death of Elvis.
May the sacred heart of Elvis save us!
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4
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How old are your eyes?
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Aug 8, 2011 4:15 pm
3914 Views
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[image]
The Eye Test
Can you find the B
(there are 2 B's
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Once you've found the B
Find the 1
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1III
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Once you found the 1...............
Find the 6
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
Once you've found the 6...
Find the N (it's hard!!)
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
Once you've found the N...
Find the Q...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>
>
do do do send this message on it is great fun and good for the Brain!!!
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To link to this blog (SPIRITGYPSY47) use [blog SPIRITGYPSY47] in your messages.
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