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'I Just Gave The State of Wisconsin 25 Bucks For Absolutely No Reason!'
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Jan 25, 2008 6:08 pm
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Yup, it's called, 'Payin' the Man for No Reason at All', and it's taxes- and it's a load of crap...
See, FedEx considers all of it's drivers as 'non-employees', we are contractors, they hire us to deliver the package, myself and my little corporation of one (actually, there's three of us, me, myself, and I ) provide the truck and the manual labor, they provide the packages, and life is beautiful- but, if you say to the US Government, 'I'm self-employed, I deliver stuff for FedEx', the government likes to ram it up your ass with a lot of taxes on all that money- because you're paying your taxes, twice the social security and medicare (with a real job, your employer pays half the social and medicare, when you're self-employed, you pay it all), and it really hurts 4 times a year to send the government a big check, that would've been much nicer to spend on new windows, so the house wouldn't be so cold...
Ahh, but, the US Government gives us a loophole- see, if I 'incorporate myself', into a Sub-S Corporation, then, see, I can pay taxes weekly, and I gets all these 'tax deductions' that a self-employed person does not- for example-
My commute to work is roughly 89 miles, round trip- if I'm self-employed, tuff, but if I'm incorporated... that's another story- see, Elembe Trucking, Inc., is located in Janesville, WI- that's where I work. HOWEVER, the Job Sight is located in Madison- so, I have to drive from where I work (my house) to the job sight- the Government lets me deduct those miles because I work for Elembe Trucking, Inc. That came to 22,990 miles last year, at, oh, I don't know the current rate, it used to be 37 cents a mile- so, by incorporating, I get an extra deduction of $8506.30... so, it seems worth it-
Sort of- I have to pay the accountants that set up this deal (there's an accounting firm in Des Moines, Iowa, that kind of targeted us drivers, and sent us all info on how easy it was to incorporate, how much money we would save, yada-yada-yada... sometimes I'm not quite sure about all that), I pay them $135 four times a year, and $95 to do my personal taxes- but, of course, that's all a tax deduction...
Then there is all this other goofy stuff to deal with- I was required, by law and Big Brother's threats, to fill out a survey for the US Census Bureau on my trucking business... it's almost comical to fill out...
'How many employees?' One
'What type of transportation? General
And on, and on, and on- 8 pages of it- and someone is going to get paid to open it, read the results, and find out that I'm a 'Corporation of One'
Taxes are such a scam
I am also sending back to the accountants a letter they sent to me, stating that on November 11th, I held a 'Corporate Meeting', with, 'Me, Myself, and I', stating that there was no Old Business, no New Business, No Newly Elected Officers, and that it was just me, all the time...
I am the President, Treasurer, Director, and Registered Agent for Elembe Trucking, Inc... No wonder I'm tired all the time...
So, the reason I'm posting this, is because, the State of Wisconsin thought it was 'dramatically important' for me to file a 'Domestic Corporation Annual Report' for the 'Department of Financial Institutions', and that's the pic on this blog- and it cost me $25...
What really bothers me about all this is, that the government has made taxes, and laws, and redtape so difficult to get through- the things that normal people like myself resort to, to try to save some money- imagine the money spent on all the people that have to file these 'useless' reports I send- I have to file quarterly with the Department of Workforce Development for the State of Wisconsin, and pay Unemployment Insurance, just in case I might, oh, I don't know, 'fire myself'... it's just such a joke-
But, if I can save a buck- FedEx is in trouble with the IRS, btw, the IRS is starting to think that us 'non-employees' are actually, indeed, 'employees'...FedEx might actually have to pay us some Benefits, and Paid Vacation... but no one knows about that, yet- 'privileged insider information', and you can say you got it right here, from the President of Elembe Trucking, Inc...
I hate this time of year...
Take care, friends, peace
President Jim
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'Back in the Band Business Again... Temporarily'
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Jan 23, 2008 5:06 pm
990 Views
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Yeah, a buddy of mine that I used to play in a band with- Brian- called me a couple weeks ago, and asked if I would help them out on a few jobs ('gigs', to the novice). Seems that their bass player is playing with the small local theater group for a play in February, and they need a bass player for 4 jobs (again, 'gigs' ). When I was on the phone with him, I warned him that it had been a very long time since I've played (hard to remember the last time, I know I played a night with them when I was dating the 'ex'- I wish that I would've gotten a bullet through the head that night, but- that would have been on or around October of 2003...), I told him that I would suck, I told him that I haven't sang in that amount of time, either (singing is like using any muscle, if you don't use it, you loose it- 'Quit tugging on that thing, Bobby, you'll pull it off!' ), and I basically just said that, 'hey, I used to be good, but I suck now'. He was still wantin' me to play, so, I said, 'What the hell'...
So he said he would email me a song list, and burn me a cd of any songs I would want to listen to- got the song list tonight- 'piece of cake', for the most part- I mean, c'mon, it's a local bar band, it's not Carnegie Hall, I wasn't really worried about anything (because I had already told him that I would suck)- there's a few that I want to listen to before next Friday (yeah, a Friday night, that will suck after working all day- but only one is a Friday)- mostly I'm hoping it warms up some, 'cuz I would hate like hell to be playing tonight, and tearing down at 2:30 A.M. when it's going to be about 12 below zero- that would seriously suck...
It'll also be an extra 400 bucks for the wallet- possibly more, last time I played, it was 100 bucks a band dude- and free drinks! (I will definitely have a 'designated driver'- it was always Brian in the past, but if our schedules work out, it possibly could be the 'Dude of Bamboo'!! And that would totally rock!).
Yeah, the 'Dude of Bamboo'- I told Bobby about the jobs (some people call them 'gigs'- I have a really stoopid habit of running a mildly clever 'witticism' into the ground)- and he was almost freakin' out for me, wondering how in the hell I was going to learn a 70+ song list in such a short time- 'piece of cake, Bobby, I know about half of them already'- I asked if he would come with me, and he said, 'of course!'....
I 'came out' to Brian when my last marriage ended- I don't remember exactly why I did, I think I was just needing someone to talk to after the horrendous divorce I just went through (I asked Brian why he didn't put a bullet through my head that night, too... didn't have his gun with him, he said...)- we're pretty close, at least we used to be, we played for a long time together in 2 different bands, and I usually got a ride home with him. Brian 'wasn't surprised' by what I told him, needless to say... I don't think any of the boys would've been surprised, I used to somewhat 'joke' about that kind of stuff around them- but then they also saw me be very hormonal around the young hottie bitches... I told Brian that I would probably be bringing my boyfriend if he wasn't working- he kind of sighed, and said, 'well, just don't be necking at the front bar!' I replied, 'well, howsa 'bout at the back of the bar?' He sighed again...
Brian will like Bob- I told Brain that I had met him, that I really liked him- and he's happy for me, because he's my friend- the ultimate for me any of those nights would be if Bobby came up and played a song or two- I asked Bobby if he would, and he said, 'no way!!'- I think once he sees the song list he may change his mind- or Brian might convince him to- Brian is very good at convincing people to do things that they don't think they should...
The other cool thing about this is that one of the dates is at a small bar in South Beloit, which is very close to where I grew up, and a few of the people I went to high school with still live there- I met up with 3 of them back in December, got their email address's, so of course I'm going to let them know that I'm playing just down the street from them- I hope some of them show, that would be pretty cool- that's either the 3rd or the last show that I'll be doing, so by then, I won't be terrible, maybe just lousy...
So, anywho, the name of the band is on the pic posted for this mess, they do have a web sight of the same name- nothing special, just some dudes in their 40's that still like to play music, look at young hottie bitches, and say, 'lick my balls' over the microphone- dudes that act like they're still in high school...
I'm actually pretty good at that, too...
Take care, y'all- peace
Slick
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'the sexual deviancy of gay men'
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Jan 20, 2008 3:12 pm
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I'm referring to Bob's post WTF! and it's really bothering me- I'm not usually political, I'm not usually opinionated, I usually just post stupid shit- but this is really bothering me
What's bothering me is the hatred that is still out there- and the fear-
I'm 'somewhat' insulated from that- my family knows, my daughter (most importantly) knows, a couple of my friends know- so I don't mind being myself (I was going to say, 'I don't mind being 'queer', but that's so stupid, it's just 'maintaining the stereotype', and I'm tired of the stereotype)
I'm not very good at being political, or opinionated- I'm good at being, 'mildly amusing'...
Still, reading Bob's post- I'm upset that people would even have the gall to say what they say- Chuck responded to Bob's post, and I wrote to him, and he wrote back, and sent me an article he's going to publish, and I wish he would post it here
I'm 44 years old, I'm a person, I finally know what I am- I really, truly hope the world changes for the young boi's on this sight- I read their blogs, their posts- I really hope things change in the next 20 years, or so
Shite, I'm a dope- people are gonna hate on others, it's human nature- it's shocking to me, sometimes, to hear the people in 'My Little Neck Of The Woods', hate on others- makes me, oh, I don't know, throttle them by the neck
But then, I would be hating on the haters, right?
I love this quote Chuck posted, on Bob's blog;
'I'm tired of people judging me as bad or evil, then calling themselves Christians. Jesus said -- "Judge ye not lest ye be judged by the same amount and measure." . So a real Christian doesn't judge, they just love and help all they can.
Here's to all those that judge me - Fuck You.'
I think that's about perfect
Take care, peace, my friends that I've made here
Bobby, take care
James
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'Puttin' On My Game Face...'
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Jan 18, 2008 5:48 pm
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Yup, gettin' ready to go out for dinner with the Dude of Bamboo- he's gonna 'wine me, dine me, and sixty-nine me', so's I got's to look nice for the gentleman (sometimes I feel so, oh, I don't know, 'Scarlet O'Hara', or something- 'Oh, my, Rhett, is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me... sometimes I call Bamboo, 'Rhett'...)-
I called Bobby when I got home, and said that 7:30 would be a good time to go- it's 7:35 now, and I know I gots plenty of time to finish this...Bobby will show up sometime between quarter to and 8:05... my boy is not punctual, however, I can overlook that easily... Hell, I'd even let him eat crackers in bed, and that's saying something, knowing Bobby! Eating dinner with Bobby is somewhat like having live entertainment at the table... it's quite the show...
OK, enough, my bad, I don't want to embarrass the Dude of Bamboo- I'm just teasing, a little bit- it does work both ways, however, I'm sure there'll be some comment tonight about my 'unmade bed'(sigh- I'm not a 'clean freak', as you can tell by the dirty mirror in the picture... however, I did dust the TV tonight- that he's been bitchin' about- I am so kidding- I wonder if he'll notice...)-
I met Bob around this time of the month in September- I could go to my myspace thingy, and check the real date, but I'm a bit too lazy for that- that's really where I met him- so, I guess we can celebrate 4 months together- I think that's pretty cool... and I don't know how to say this, but I really can't envision us ever 'not seeing' each other- I mean, I haven't ever met a more interesting, funny, entertaining, talented, handsome, hunk of a person in my life! There isn't anything about him that I don't find special... and, I'm kind of thinking, he possibly may feel the same way...
So, enough drivel- I am learning to tell Bamboo time- when I called him earlier, he was watching the 'jackoff channel' on the computer, and one of his favorites was on... so, possibly, he may be running a 'tad late'... that's OK... as long as he puts the latex glove on tonight, if you know what I mean-
Oops, here he is now!! 7:47, right on time
I love you, Bobby...
Jimmy
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'Shite, I Did It Again...'
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Jan 16, 2008 6:42 pm
883 Views
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Posted twice in the same night- shite- well, this is short, and I think it's funny, so, what the hell- it's Wednesday, after all...
'Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2007'
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
I'm one quarter Irish, I can tell those jokes- and I think that's damn funny... ya'll take care (my daughter is half Southern, I can say, 'ya'll'...)
Peace...
Slick
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'So, Since I Can't Come Up With Anything Original, I Stole This...'
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Jan 16, 2008 5:52 pm
785 Views
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Yeah, I just have to say, Life Has Been Too Good To Me Lately... seriously... I have nothing to say. I mean, it's nearly impossible to believe that the Packers gave up 14 points in the first 4 minutes of a football game, and then went on to win, 42-20... (I list them first in my list of, 'Life Has Been Too Good To Me Lately'- shows you where my head is at)- it's nearly impossible to belive that my little baby girl is going to college in less than 9 months, and we have to start planning now- it's nearly impossible to believe that I met The Bamboo (saw the freaky dude Monday night, that was special- we did a little 'video thing' (not that kind, we had our clothes on, get your mind out of the gutter!), and it's fun to watch, when he's not here- I get to see him again tomorrow night, and I can't wait- but, really, nothing new to post about, so, I was 'farting around' on myspace, and found this post that I liked, so, I thought I would share it with everyone...
'Ben Franklin (maybe) said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials and studies, scientists have concluded that a person drinking 1 liter of water each day will have absorbed one kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli), a bacteria found in feces, in a year. In other words, that person would have consumed a kilo of poop.
However, you DO NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor for that matter) because these beverages undergo a purification process in the boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
So to recap, Water = Poop, Wine, beer or spirits = Health
Ergo, it's much better to drink alcohol and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.'
I knew that I wasn't full of shit... I'm just healthy!!
Thanks for your patience- see you soon, Tiger!!
Slick
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'So, Anyway, I Bought a Webcam Yesterday...'
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Jan 13, 2008 2:42 pm
966 Views
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And I'm having some fun with it, it took me a day to figure out how to broadcast with it, but I got it down, and I'm feelin' sexy... and I have beautiful blue eyes... so I recorded my video intro on this sight- it's terrible, I'm lisping all over the place, like a queen- but, there is precedent for that- when I was in 6th grade, I had to go to the speech therapist, to fix my lisp- I usually only lisp now when I'm tired, or tipsy... I must be tired...
So, if you are so bored out of your mind that you're about to put a spike in your brain, instead of that, you can watch my video- and hear my sexy, lisping, DJ-ish voice...
I'm having way too much fun with this camera- I mean, seriously, I am... I'm in such a good mood right now, and I have to work tomorrow, but I really don't care- the Packers won yesterday, big time- I re-caulked my shower yesterday, I am so proud of myself- and I'm gonna start my meatloaf in about 20 minutes... oh, yeah, and Bobby is on his way home, and I'm gonna get laid tomorrow night
I really wish all my friends here the best of Sundays- I'm giddy right now, and I want to share it- go ahead, be giddy with me! Let's all Dance!!
Take care, enjoy the day!
Giddy Jimmy
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'MENSA new words & definitions'
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Jan 11, 2008 5:27 pm
846 Views
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I want to tell a short story about my friend Steve, that I went to middle and high school with, and after many years we reconnected, i found out he was gay, I told him I was, and he flew in from San Diego last night, and we got married...
No, not really- he was at the party in Rockton that I missed because of the weather- I called him last weekend just to chat, and told him that I was really pretty pissed about the bad weather, because I really wanted to see him, and bend him over and fuck his brains out, like I've wanted to since 7th grade- he got a big chuckle out of that (actually, what I REALLY wanted to do, was tie him down with the restraints, and have the Bamboo guy and myself totally work him over, from both ends- I think I did mention that to him, as well...).
Well, Steve is very smart, and all, being a Professor of Music at the University of California-San Diego (that makes me feel very good on two points- one, he is a very smart, and extremely talented musician and my friend, and two, I was smarter than him in high school- although, not as talented...), so he sends me some 'high-brow' stuff from time to time- he sent me this tonight, and I thought it was pretty damn funny (or, maybe, mildly amusing, and that's about all I shoot for- classic underachiever), so I wanted to share it, if you haven't already read it...
'Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. wily-nilly , adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph , v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline..
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent , n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.'
So, anywho, that's my little contribution for the night- I hope someone gets a very small chuckle from it- I know I did, I was even close to a 'guffaw' on a couple of those...
Take care, all, see you soon, Bobby!! Be safe, buddy!!
Jim
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'just feeling a bit mediocre, dry, and lifeless...'
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Jan 9, 2008 7:07 pm
826 Views
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I'm gonna make this very short- just wanted to write a letter to myself right now- please disregard...
Just got off the phone with the ole' fart blossom- I guess I just don't understand how, 'near blizzard-like conditions' makes a good vacation destination- I've never skied in my life, so I don't understand the difference between, 'good skiing' and 'bad skiing'- myself, I would prefer swimming in the Caribbean, if I were going to choose a destination for a vacation in the winter- or anyplace warm and toasty, where clothes were an afterthought, and g-strings look good on 40-plus year-old men...
So, it's 'near blizzard-like conditions' where he is at- and Saturday he gets to 'enjoy' driving about 550 miles in that, at about 30 miles an hour...
I get tense just driving to the bank in the snow, let alone 550 miles!!
It's crazy- ludicrous, even!! I sincerely hope the next government outlaws all kinds of activities in inclement weather- just shut everything down, and wait for spring... the problem is, the goddam Post Office had to come up with that stupid jingle, 'neither rain, nor sleet, nor hedgehogs...'- yada, yada, yada- if it weren't for the fucking Post Office, I (and others in the service industry) could have days off, when the weather is so bad, and you see people, and you say to them, 'WTF is wrong with you?! Why are you driving in this crap?! Go home, light a fire, hug your children, and be glad that you lived through this shit!!'
I'm babbling, it's about bed time, and I miss the turd tonight- REALLY BADLY- oh, yeah, and I had a crappy day that was not supposed to be crappy, and I hate those kind of days- this was one of those days where I spent about 45 minutes or so waiting for people to answer the delivery door- I'm so tense...
But, I'm relaxing now, got most of my 'vices' in front of me- got my smokes, my 'barley pops', some good blues music, and good porn- right in front of me- helps me relax after a crappy day like today, and I do have a prescription for all of this, so don't y'all fret- I am a professional...
Bobby sent me this picture of one of my FedEx Ground Brothers out in this crap- if he's gay, and if he sees this, I just have to say, 'Buddy, I feel for you'...
Take care, all- Bobby- you're the best, turd...
Skippy
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'Tuesday Night is Left-Over Lasagna Night...'
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Jan 8, 2008 5:10 pm
897 Views
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At least it is when I make Lasagna on Sunday- which I did... I used to make Lasagna the difficult way, boiling the noodles and all, until one time, long ago, I had 'No-Boil Lasagna' at my girlfriends house (she was a very nice person with one child that was very nice, and a young son, 6 at the time, that was as evil as his father- seriously- basically, we split up because he ripped the speakers for my stage gear while it was in Cheryl's car- well, that, and because I like boys...). So, she showed me the recipe- it's on the side of the box of lasagna noodles- and it's very easy, and I never bothered to write it down, because, well, hey, it's on the side of the box...
Until one time I went to make Lasagna, and the directions were gone- and I about lost my mind... luckily, for myself and generations to come, I'm not a very 'tidy' person... well, sort of... I'm sort of tidy, once in awhile, I mean I don't have a 'half a ton of garbage downstairs where the pews used to be' (kudos to all that came name that song!), but I did know that I had an older box out in the cardboard recycle bin... dinner was saved! Of course, afterwards, I slapped Elizabeth until she typed out the recipe for me, and printed it out, so now I have it with me for the rest of my life... It's very easy, if anyone doesn't have it or wants it, let me know, I'll post it...
So, leftovers- I actually was going to write about leftovers- and Lasagna is one of those left-overs that are almost better the next day- along with meat loaf, chili sans cloves, stew, corned beef- the list really isn't endless, because there are many things that are terrible reheated- anything fried comes to mind- but I would have to say my 2 favorites are Lasagna, and Meat Loaf... 'Ummm, Meat Loaf, argglearggle', Homer Jim would say- I can't think of much that I like more than cold Meat Loaf Sandwiches, dripping with ketchup... with a side of Leftover Mac and Cheese... God Be Praised...
So, here we are, Tuesday night, the weather here is the oddest thing in the world- it's been raining- not heavy rain, but between misting and raining- for the last 2 days. This Is Wisconsin, people!! It is Very Bad when it rains in January in Wisconsin, because the ground is frozen, there is no place for the water to go, and you Just Know it's going to get cold and back to normal soon, and when it does, there will be Ice everywhere- I can almost deal with snow- you can't drive on ice... I've tried it, it sucks, one day driving to Cascade Mountain Ski Resort, I about ended up in the Baraboo River that runs right alongside Cascade Mountain Road... 'cuz of the ice... I hates ice, and it's going to get cold again tonight. If the weather persons can get their forecast right for a change, we're supposed to get some sun tomorrow, and that will help to dry everything up, and it may not be so bad- I emphasize, 'may not'...
Take care, boys- it's after 7, and my cell time is free right now- I got an internet ad for a free 'phone sex' place, located in the mountains of Colorado- place is supposed to be filled with twinky boys to talk to, and wank with- my luck, I'll be stuck with some old fart on the line...
I miss you, Tiger! Can't wait to see you!!
Jim
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