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okay, crazy womens
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Jan 23, 2006 2:30 am
1297 Views
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Alrighty, now that I have taken care of the nice fellers who made comments it is time to rant, or rather put an odd question to the test. My basic issue is as follows; lots of female friends. Female friends fall for Jon. Now what the hell am I supposed to do. Come on, Homo Erectus here no pussy cats for me please. I have lost several friends due to this puzzling cunundrum and it causes more than heartache and loss as well. Of course how I have found out wasn't so boring either......
Setting: 1 yr ago
Place: Bar
Mood: Flippin smashed out of my gourd, we've all been there don't say you haven't.
So my female friend and I Decide that thre is no action here so lets head home, plus, I was having enough trouble remembering who I was at that current moment. I actually think I mave have been drunk enough to sing Vanilla Ice during the kareoke, oh brother, bet you are all smiling at that thought. We both teater and wobble to the car, where of course there are more refreshing beverages for us to enjoy. We hop onto the long road home and decide, "ROAD TRIP!" Now all you good fellas know that a road trip consists of favorite music, booze, and a fast moving vehicle, not one of my brighter moments, but nonetheless a choice we made. So being inebriated and having blarring music in my ears my friend attempts to hold a conversation with me. Drunk Jon takes this as a que to sing, yeah one of those nights. So here I am sing Savage Garden, horribly I might add, sucking down a Zima and the words, "I think I love you," float to my ear! Brain hits the brakes, bladder is ready to burst, dick is hiding, eyes are bulging, throat closing, jaw is on the floor rolingg around with the bottles, and Zima is now sprayed all over the inside of my car, no worries she was driving. Needless to say the ride to my apartment was more than quiet. We pulled into the parkinglot got to the door, although I would have rather crawled, and went in. She asked if it was still ok for her to crash here, I, being the wonderful little hostess/host, assured her that it would be fine. Now comes the fun for all you readers... Me, drunk as a skunk and dead tired, in bed fully clothed, ontop of the covers and probobly drooling. The next thing I know I am being woken up by a naked someone... Methinks it's Brad Pit.... no.... Tom Cruise.... no... It's my friend, whoa! Wait A Minute, here! what the hell is going on? She was attempting to have sex with me while I was out cold, not cool. I shot out of the bed, knocking over a bookcase, smacking my face into the (yeah that sucked, I got a cut from it too), cussing like a salor who has a lisp and turn to face her on legs that wont cooperate. She had scared the living hell out of, attempted to screw me while sleeping, and is now crying (still naked) on my bed. Homo goes into action trying to comfort her all the while trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Confessions of a crush come spilling out, we talk all night, and I finally go to sleep on the couch at 60 am, in my own apartment. I did wash the sheets the next day, you kn ow girl cooties, lol, had to get the bar smell out of them, I hate that........
Well, I am sure you all can picture the odd scene to proceed that opening. I can safely say there was a lot of garbled "It's ok, I just don't like you that way," and, "Please Don't Cry." Shortly after that incedent we weren't speaking, I had tried but usually got a shoe tossed at me or something. We eventually made up, but the friendship seemed to be more bland and now we only talk on occasion. Now Someone, please, explain to me why they go and do crap like that. I mean it, some of my best friends for years have confessed affections for me after about 2 or 3 years. Now I have two really good friends wha admitted it and only told me after they got over the affections, and we still remain friends, really good friends. I still don't quite understand it though. Is it the whole idea of conquesting the man they cannot have, are we the better version of what they consider boyfriend "material," are we too nice, or is just some wierd cosmic thing that just goes without saying. Now I wouldn't mind if the effect was with all the guys I knew, hell, I would be goin nuts and squirting my nuts in that case. Opps, having dirty thoughts!? Hope someone will have a clue, hope everyone's day is filled with Tastiness and Joy!!! I'll check in later ya'll. Also will be scopin out some of the other blogs too!!!!!!! Member Votes
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Tim, to you kind sir.....
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Jan 23, 2006 2:24 am
1147 Views
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Tim, oh yes the tongue recovered, thank goodness. I would be lost without that esenstial tool. Good to meet you too, now remember keep those lips turned up.... to smile goofball, I bet you were thinking something dirty!!!!
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To Missior Curious
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Jan 23, 2006 2:17 am
1198 Views
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okay curios george, my what a large bananna we have..... I have always thought that as we learn from our disturbing memories that we should be able to laugh at them later on, hell, humor is my best survival trait and one of the best qualities I can think of!
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To tommy
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Jan 23, 2006 2:14 am
1168 Views
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Tommy, So very glad that you enjoyed the tidbit, no worries mate i have many more intriguing , humorous, and downright embarrasing stories to tell. In fact the good ol fingers seem to be itchin to rant once agin.........
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Mother May I.......
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Jan 21, 2006 11:19 pm
1258 Views
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You know how during your teenage years you do everything you can to shock people or get a response from the folks? Well, my family is rather messed up so I have come to make fun of a few of their excentricities.... heh heh. Let me start off with one of the most pathetic moments in my life, well, at least one of my biggest let downs.
I went out on my eighteenth birthday with two missions on my mind. First, I was going to go to 6th street and get my tongue pierced, no one was going to stop me if I had any say so, damnit. Second, I was going to tell my mother I was GAY! Piercing, first I thought, more impact!!! So, my mischievous little rear hauled itself down to 6th street and got my first real piercing. Pop!! All done. So now I was heading home with a passenger in tow, hardly any ability to speak coherently, and on a damned if I do, Damned if I don't mission to flip my mothers world upside down. Now, you, the reader must understand one or two more things. 1st, my mother is something of an egotistical brat and a big ol control freak, hence my desire to rip those thoughts to shreds. 2ndly, she always made some form of competition between her and myself that would get mighty fierce; she liked to prove to me how superior to myself and just about everyone else in the world. Now, I have always hated the more superior than thou crap, so I finally got the nuts to tell her my biggest secret..... Shortly after leaving the tattoo/piercing parlor, I arrived at my mother's house. By now, though, my tongue was the size of a grapefruit. Regardless, I marched right in, waving my grumpy stepfather off and entered my mothers domain. Looking up she started to smirk, DAMN HER, and said quite glibly, "So you Really went and shoved a hole in your mouth, huh?!" Muttering quietly I composed my words ready to let her have the biggest bombshell of her life! Forcing them out over my tongue I slobbered, "Motthhhheeeer, I'ma HOMO!" I felt as though time stood still for all of three seconds, and then she burst out laughing. For all my efforts to prove to my mother that she was fallible, I was the one failing. She proudly told me that she suspected for a long time and then I remembered who had come with me as my mom asked the next question that brought her triumph into the light. "What does your girlfriend have to say about it, though?!" Yes, I was one of those fools that attempted t date women, I lived in a New England small town for the first part of my life so that foolhardy choice was eminent. So rather dumbly I looked at her and she told my mother the darnedest thing. "I don't mind, he can sleep with Jason all he wants or anyone else for that matter, just as long as he still is willing to date me and put out every once and a while."
Needless to say that was a failed relationship, and I am sure my mother, to this day finds that scenario rather humorous. Well, I got to rant for a while, If y'all have any little tidbits you would like to share, or just want to make a good ol snipe about me, feel free and I'll holla at you later on, Take it easy in the meantime!
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