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Annoying, Demeaning…Stereotypes
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May 16, 2012 1:12 am
194 Views
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Yes, I know what you are thinking, isn't that reduntant, that title...?
You know, there are a lot of stereotypes about gay people out there, and as many of you know, I am involved in helping a lot of gay youth, who are often confronted with gay stereotypes by friends, family, schoolmates and the like…Fortunately I don’t fit too many of the common stereotypes about gay people, I’m not one that ever gets picked out and identified as gay by others; my life is often comfortably free of such stereotyping.
Except…
Some years ago I was a foster parent and seeking to adopt, and that was in the 80’s when it was a pretty groundbreaking thing to do. So often, I found people applying the stereotype of pedophile to me. Sometimes it was subtly done, sometimes it was pretty direct. I was also a Big Brother for seven years (actually I did that as part of getting experience with kids, so I would be and look like a better qualified person to adopt, and had a great experience with my Little (who today is married, an ex-Marine> . When you have a Little you have a case-worker who monitors the relationship and is also a safeguard against impropriety. Our casework was a strong advocate for me in my quest to adopt and actually offered to testify when I applied for adoption. And I forget how the topic came up but at one point he observed that I had been tagged with the potential pedophile stereotype unfairly and often in that process.
But that was almost thirty years ago…and eventually I got my son and in time that stereotype seems to have become at least a little less common. Oh sure there is a segment of society that is pretty ready to apply it to gay men in general, but more and more people have come to realize that gay men are not more likely to engage in that behavior than anyone else.
But recently I have been confronted again and again with a similar stereotype, and to be honest I’m getting pretty pissed off about it.
You see, I recently let Cody, 22, move into my home. He has his own room. Yes, I came to know him through the internet and I know his family was quite dysfunctional and quite an obstacle to his personal growth, his progress through those transitional years to adulthood. It was a violent, drug and alcohol ridden, homophobic and abusive – mostly verbally and emotionally but sometimes he was confronted with weapons and threats. I told him long ago that if things got too bad, well, I would offer refuge.
And my son and his family had just moved out so I had plenty of room; and I invited him to move in for a few months, he has specific plans to move elsewhere as soon as he saves up enough money. And really I know he needed a stable environment to heal in.
Now I am not charging him rent and I am feeding him at my own expense, to help him save that nest egg. Actually it’s a minor expense, he is a pleasant housemate and he does the cleaning and things that my bad back makes difficult in return. And to be honest I do enjoy having someone young around and I love cooking for him (his mom’s idea of a formal meal is to empty the can onto a plate…)
The good news is that I have seen substantial changes in his behavior and especially his self-esteem in the two months he has been here. I think his stay here, which will be about six months total, will be very constructive for him, and rewarding for me to help him out; he’s a good kid, kind, sweet, helpful. And he’s found a boyfriend recently, his first. Oh and broke up and has a second now… lol!
The bad news is that stereotype.
His family, his boyfriend’s family, and just about everyone he has talked to, as soon as he explains he lives with a 62 year old gay man, well the first thing they ask is, am I abusing him? The boyfriend’s family has actually asked the boyfriend to make sure I’m not a serial killer!
At first I laughed it off, I thought it was ridiculously off base; but it keeps happening guy of roughly the same age has told me of an older gay couple who keep inviting him and his boyfriend over with the clear intentions of seeking sex from them; I deplore that and he is offended by it.
I don’t deny that youth is attractive, and my partner and I broke up after 13 years so I am a solo act these days. In fact, I made a list of reasons I would not be seeking such a relationship (and I apologize I know some of you will take issue with some of my reasons) I emailed this to his bf to send to his bf’s parents…
Cody and I have talked over the past week or so, and he passed on explanations about how both your families look at me...I realize a lot of their concerns are based on stereotypes about gay men, though I cannot say that there is no reality in this world to give them concern... Perhaps they would feel better if you told them that I use some pretty basic principles in leading my life, and that includes my sex life.
My particular religion makes respect for and valuing others paramount. These principles in part derive from that fundamental principle...
One principle is pretty simple: I don't try to have sex with people who don't want to have sex with me. And I am pretty sure that applies to both of you. The idea of pressuring an unwilling partner is pretty revolting, actually.
Another is that I do have some criteria as to who is an appropriate partner for a relationship encompassing sex. Among those criteria, which I admit are flexible to a degree: I would feel like a fool having a sexual relationship with anyone as far apart in age as either of you. You are in fact younger than my son. I do not feel our sexual needs would be well matched. We are not in the same stage of life. There is no future for such a relationship. I could go on and on.
A third principle would be that though some young person might show a willingness for an encounter with me, that doesn't mean I would be willing.
Why would that person be interested? Reasons that I would not accept would be money, pity, lust, indifference or lack of standards on their part. It has been pointed out to me that it is possible for someone young to find me attractive based on my mind, my good heart, my maturity, my accomplishments. OK, if that ever happens I'll reconsider but there are other reasons to say no...
Fourth, I tend to avoid sexual relationships that don't involve love or at least some deep emotional connection. Sex for sex does not hit the spot.
Finally, at my age sex is much less a priority than when I was young; and sex with someone who is uninterested, badly matched, emotionally uninvolved, etc etc...well I have better ways to pass my time.
The worst part is that it seems that gay people are just as likely to stereotype me as straight ones. In fact the only ones who don’t stereotype me in this way are the really young kids I help online, the teens and preteens I’ve helped, and Cody himself. We do kid around about who I find attractive and who he finds attractive (they are definitely not the same!)
Cody, and the kids, know I’m not chasing them or being inappropriate and that I put a lot of effort into helping them…and I don’t mind that people are thoughtful or even a bit skeptical; that makes sense. But most people are downright rude and while no one says anything direct to me, my housemate kids me about it….and he does tell me every time it happens. And it seems like every time he meets someone new…
So really are we old gay guys such old fools? Is this stereotype more a reality than a fable? I haven’t done anything more than give him a hug when he’s down... a very polite hug with a young man who has had some reason to cry his eyes out.
Oh I don’t have a big conclusion, I don’t know how to resolve this situation except maintain my integrity. But it is both disappointing and puzzling to me that there is such a lack of consideration.
Oh, I suppose its better than pedophile, though some people use that exact term...
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Lifetime Free Gay Porn Access? Really?
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May 14, 2012 7:55 am
276 Views
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Lifetime Free Porn Access? Really?
^^^^
Image does not contain or identify any link or website...
Well, that would be what we call ‘the internet’ wouldn’t it??
OK now, let me see…by various misdirection I am led to a page on the ‘internet’ (no of course I can’t SHARE it with you) that promises what you see in the photo…oh gosh I figured I’d have some problems so I cut off all ths juicy guys doing all the hot things they showed but, well you guys know all about that stuff…
Err just in case the primates object, here is what it says:
And some stuff I wont include here cuz I duno what the major apes will say…but I am not about to tell you that they offer ____ and ____ cuz OP would never let me do to that…! Oh and I am not tellngt you how to find this in any way cuz, well really, why would you there’s a ton of places that are doing the same thing.
So I am the skeptical type and I actually READ the T&C’s before giving them my credit card number. Now they said it was to verify my age and 100% free…see the big bold print? “100% Free Lifetime Access.” That’s clear, huh?
But in the T&C’s (and to be fair they were among the more easily read ones I’ve seen) we find a few interesting points:
7. Regular Member Subscriptions. Upon subscribing as a website member, YOU hereby authorize COMPANY'S payment processing agent … to charge your credit card … for periodic recurring subscription fees according to the then-current billing terms for the Service. Monthly rates of Your subscription will be automatically renewed at the rate specified on the site's JOIN page and your credit card (or other approved facility) will be charged at the then-current subscription rate unless you notify the COMPANY that you wish to cancel your subscription no less than four (4) days prior to the end of the preceding billing period…
And on the “Verify Your Age” page [there is no ‘join page’…there’s no page labeled such in any way I could see…] it says below the fold, and after you click the accept box the free Elite Membership addition and the prominent “CLICK FOR FREE ACCESS” button:
“(*) Your Free Lifetime access to [nothing stated, not even a blank space] includes a free 2 day trial promo to the [xxx]. TO AVOID BEING CHARGED A MONTHLY FEE, SIMPLY CANCEL YOUR [xxx] MEMBERSHIP BEFORE THE TRIAL PERIOD ENDS. If you remain a member beyond the Trial Period, your [xxx] membership will renew at $39.95 /month, or the then applicable rate, until cancelled. Your lifetime access to [Free Gay Porn] remains active even if you cancel your [xxx ] membership.
+ Your Elite Membership Includes the following offers: [nothing apparently… just a big empty space on the page]”
--
OK…you have a two day free membership which you must cancel four days prior to expiration to avoid the monthly charge-- which is not, by the way, specified anywhere other than the page where you verify your age and click that FREE button -- all below the fold on my laptop anyway…what could be wrong here? Sounds great!
I have a debit card from a certain awful bank with America in its title, that has about ten dollars left on it from collecting my Unemployment Insurance and i was tempted to use it...but I decided FREE LIFETIME GAY PORN might just be more than I could afford...
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A Radical History of Mother's Day
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May 13, 2012 12:17 pm
394 Views
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[Oh...my mom's photo won't upload...what, she's too young at 71? Or you don't accept women?...]
I must of course apologize since there is no way to link you to the original publication of this...a place called nation of change...
Mother’s Day began in America in 1870 when Julia Ward Howe wrote the Mother’s Day Proclamation. Written in response to the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War, her proclamation called on women to use their position as mothers to influence society in fighting for an end to all wars. She called for women to stand up against the unjust violence of war through their roles as wife and mother, to protest the futility of their sons killing other mothers’ sons.
Howe wrote:
Arise, then, women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts, Whether our baptism be of water or of tears! Say firmly: "We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies, Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy, and patience. We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."
The holiday caught on years later when a West Virginia women’s group led by Anna Reeves Jarvis began promoting it as a way to reunite families after the Civil War. After Jarvis’ death, her daughter began a campaign for the creation of an official Mother’s Day in honor of peace. Devoting much of her life to the cause, it wasn’t until 1914 when Woodrow Wilson signed it into national observance in 1914.
The holiday flourished, along with the flower industry. The business journal, the Florists Review, actually admitted to its desire to exploit the holiday. Jarvis was strongly opposed to every aspect of the holiday’s commercialization, arrested for protesting the sale of flowers, and petitioning to stop the creation of a Mother’s Day postage stamp.
Today we are in multiple wars that continue to claim the lives of thousands of sons and daughters. We are also experiencing a still-rising commercialization of nearly every aspect of life; the exploitation of every possible human event and emotion at the benefit of corporations.
Let’s take this Mother’s Day to excuse ourselves from the pressure to consume and remember its radical roots – that mothers, or rather all women, in fact, all people, have a stake in war and a responsibility as American citizens to protest the incredible violence that so many fellow citizens, here and abroad, must suffer through.
The thousands of civilian casualties in Afghanistan and Iraq as well as the devastating impact of post-traumatic stress disorder on our veterans are just the beginning of the terrible repercussion of war. As we saw last week an announcement of an extension of the military occupation of Afghanistan, let this mother’s day be a day after Julia Ward Howe’s own heart as we stand up and say no to 12 more years of war.
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[image]
And of course today I want to remember my mother, who despite many faults helped to make me the man I am and one I am proud to be; and I also want to thank the many women I've encountered who gave a little of themselves to mother me, to mother my son, my foster kids, my grandchildren, and just children in need everywhere.
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Idoneous
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May 6, 2012 11:36 pm
569 Views
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I am reading "The Truelove" one of Patrick Obrien's amazing historic novels of the sea; the movie Master and Commander was an amalgam of them....as so often happens I must consult the dictionary nearly every chapter for the man has the most amazing vocabulary...so having chanced upon the term "idoneous" I hit up to find the following:
idoneous \ahy-DOH-nee-uhs\ , adjective:
Appropriate; fit; suitable; apt.
As far as benefices are concerned no one could be more idoneous, fitting or suitable than Martin, since he is an Anglican clergyman.
-- Patrick O'Brian, The Truelove
Now..how idoneous is THAT definition!!?
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Being Old....
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Apr 26, 2012 6:17 am
847 Views
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You know, the best thing about being an old man is you know most of the answers.
The worst thing is no one will listen to them.
I have a housemate now, he's 21, and a really sweet kid. And he's going around digging emotional holes in his world to fall into, and I have told him a dozen times how to not get himself set up...well you can figure the rest.
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The Policeman Calls
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Apr 22, 2012 5:58 am
842 Views
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Well, technically, I called them of course.
Some of you have been worried, you'd tell me if I talk to kids the cops are gonna find me and ...yeah. It's true I run a risk, I do things with kids and its dangerous. Things? Good things. So it finally happened. The cops came after me.
This next week I will get view number 2 million on my YT account, mostly LGBT Youth. Since February one particular kid, let’s call him Marcus, has had me awfully worried…when they first post something that screams either age or troubles I send them a list of safe places to go for friends or help. Then I usually never hear back…most just need a little clue where to go to find other kids.
Here was my first reply, a full month later:
I thank you for the message but i wanna die, my whole life being tormented being called gay and pathoc, im just gOnna kill myself, GB [Goodbye]
…and you know, other than answer there’s nothing at all you can do. It’s a YT channel with no info.
So I wrote back of course, I said I care. I said I want to help. Tell me more…its a bad feeling but years of hotlines and peer counseling have told me that I can do what I can and worrying isn't helpful.
A month passes then this:
Everyone calls me shit and physicaly beats me up for being gay.. It may not sound like much, but i want it to stop im gay idc i like guys but other people do, i still havent met a single guy like me to just have as a friend to talk to i go to school. I get beat on all day all i think about is that im failing all my classes im stupid and weak and i wanna die because its nasty a rong to be gay. I think about my family i know id be selfish to do so i also know they'de be better off without me ive tried to fit in in every Way i just cant were all different but im just a fuck up, ive promised myself im gonna kill myself unless i meet a guy like me.. Truth is my parents wont love me if they Hear.. I dont diserve life. Im not looking for love or romance just a ... Gay friend who knows wat im going through if u can help u will save my life... Thanks anyway... D:
Is this is a heavy burden? Well, most of the time no but this one sure is. This kid has hope, but he’s in trouble let’s be really clear, This kid…reminds me of me at that tender age. Most of the kids today have a higher sense of self-esteem around the gay thing I am glad to say.
But. He. Let. Me. help. Here.
See that? He wants hope.
I have a dozen kids who know me now, a hundred really, but a core dozen maybe who I can use to help. They put together a little group for mutual support.
A few emails, I called in the cavalry, three different kids reach out to him… that’s a big step. …you can maybe find them for real.
I had to ask him for a photo. Cannot send the other kids to the rescue if he is a fake an adult or predator, so "send me a photo of your face, hold a sheet of paper with your account written on it.” Cute kid, spiky hair, freckles. No sign of how scary the thoughts under that surface....
And a dialogue slowly begins. I usually do not talk to kids, to be clear, I let them talk to each other but this is one where I have to be involved, the kids who help me need to be mentored and not get over involved. They need to know there are resources to back them up. I have not lost a kid (knock wood!) but two of my helpers have lost kids before they met me. Real live kids who are no longer breathing, Why I do this…oh your heart will ache sometimes, but imagine the courage of my favorite John, not quite 15, with TWO dead friends and a burning spirit to be sure it never becomes 3! He brims with love and confidence and is rock solid…he is constructive...he tells kid to learn to do baking when they feel down.
A few more messages, finally I did something I’ve never done with a kid. It’s risky. There is no paper trail to prove what I said or did but call with vid. But he was depressed and feeling worse and pleaded, talk to me. I need someone now. Call me in the morning, please. Call. He really was not very responsive, I'm too old for the rapport to build maybe,he didn't feel he could talk at home, I dunno. But the important stuff happened. The progress was slow, but he seemed to be doing better. He promised he’s not going to hurt himself without at least talking to me. I know there’s more here, this is not the usual kid at all, but I have done what I can do to protect him and keep him safe, and … he’s responding.
Two days ago Billy from Virginia messages me, Marcus cut off the conversation the last night talking about blood everywhere and Billy hasn’t been able to make contact again.
This is a big lapse in protocol, Billy didn’t want my phone number so he could call…and he is new in the core group, so we are 17 hours behind, can’t get a response. Billy needs a little bolstering and training but Marcus had hooked him a bit by suggesting he somehow knew Billy aside from me. Not true apparently but water under the bridge.
Now the backs are against the wall. Now I don’t have choices, I told Marcus if he was in that kind of danger I would have to tell whoever I had to tell.
I have done this four times.
First time, a middle school, who outed the poor kid to his parents in a disastrous way. Second a call to a secondary school in the UK, really great cooperation, kids rushed to see a counselor that very day. Third time to Child Protective Services in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, no info about what really happened but they did oh they so very much did investigate that kids’ welfare, pulled his whole family in for interviews... OK so two kids who will never talk to me again, but at least they can still talk to someone. I don’t care, its what I am here to do.
Social info made it easy to find his middle school; but the school gave me voice mail on three calls…I always hope the school will answer because they don’t necessarily get the cops involved, they do focus on the kid first and foremost.
But I have no choice now. I cannot delay, I have to get help moving to this kid, and it’s the police. And I know that the kid will be outed. And I know they will want oh so much information from me.
And this means I get the callback from the cop who is so ready to assume I’m a pervert. I was not disappointed at least.
First, the kid is OK he did not hurt himself. His distress led him to drama, I guess, they don’t think clearly sometimes. He needs a fair amount of help, its not a simple thing.
And you know, I know the cop is gonna ask lots of nosy questions with the worst thoughts in mind. And I decided not to be meek about it all, “hey, I don’t care if you don’t like that I contacted this kid, because first of all I didn’t contact him, he contacted ME. And I probably save one kid every month or more and I have no intention of caring that you don’t like that, officer,”
I forwarded key emails, I didn’t tell him about the visual contact cuz—there’s no record of a call’s content, the reason I don’t ever do them. I had to tell him “yes he sent me a photo, no I didn’t send him any photos…” I forward the photo to the cop. Kid holding a sign next to his face. I hope the cop is disappointed, but probably not discouraged...
I did not especially did not mention that I had him talk to other kids. That would perhaps have eased the pressure on me a bit, but then THOSE kids get a cop in their lives. Billy from Virginia can’t handle that, he thinks his dad will kill him if he finds out he does this. He could literally be right. But Billy sticks his neck out for a cause he believes in. Can I do less?
Then…I figure the cop ran me for a record of course…and something amazing happened. This is a new one…
Marcus’ dad came and sent Billy a message. He read Marcus’s chats. He read my emails. He said:
“Yes, he's good. It's a brave new world that he is entering into with some trepidation, but hopefully he knows now that he has someone at home he can talk to.”
It seems that Marcus will have a family to hold him and love him. It seems that Marcus will live another day. I don’t expect the cops to come calling again. Because I got this response to the emails I forwarded to the police:
“Thank you very much.”
Well I don't know how much he meant it.
Was it worth that, the stress, the worries, the cops?
What a stupid question to ask. How can I do this? How can I not do this...?
No I don't need admiration, I don't tell you about it for that reason, I tell you cuz you need to know, Those kids are out there and they need us. And that other kids are out there helping, and that in the end the world becomes a better place. And you should know it. For me there is little of choice...and no regret.
But yeah I don't look forward to the next cop.
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for once the Primates didn't butcher this too badly, let one word everyone knows slip in one place and you can figure that is a well known place where a lot of communications took place, where people make their non-0P personal connections...and the call was not just phone it used a video method right out or the sky....
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Labor saving and helping out the old man...
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Apr 7, 2012 12:25 pm
1347 Views
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An elderly Italian gentleman from New Jersey wanted to plant his tomato garden for the year, but found it difficult. He was getting along in years, and the ground was just too hard to dig up...he used to get a lot of help from his son Vincent, but he was in prison now.
The old man wrote his son a letter describing the predicament, saying
Dear Vincent,
I guess I just won't be able to plant my tomatoes this year. I'm getting too old and the ground is just too hard to break up this time. I know if you were here, you'd dig the plot for me, but I guess it's not to be...
A few days later his son wrote back:
Pop
Don't dig up that garden. It's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
The next morning, FBI agents and police stormed the place. The dug up the entire area but didn't find any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
Soon he received another letter from his son.
Pop,
Go ahead and plant your tomatoes now, that's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love,
Vinnie
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Encounter With a Sociopath, Part II
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Mar 28, 2012 6:40 am
1409 Views
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About five months ago I spotted a young man on youtube who used the word “suicide” in his channel name…I made contact, concerned about that, and began a grandfatherly relationship with him…
And then one day after a month or so I realized he was lying to me and he would not appear on camera. Because…he was not who he claimed.
He admitted he was really a woman, an Austrian, 38 years old…she asked me to remain part of her life, told me she was a Borderline personality…I could not do that, I could not trust someone who had lied to me for such a long time…
Someone who knew her well, who had pursued her for three years contacted me… he too was a teenager, 15, and this time presented proof that couldn’t be argued with; photos and eventually appeared on camera with me. He asked me for help, and despite having been burned once I said I would help him. He was, he told me, horribly abused in his life, but now safe, having been removed the prior summer from his mother’s care.
It was not long before I realized he was hiding something from me. And soon I challenged him, as that woman was writing to me telling me I should.
Was he really a girl?
He was really transgendered. And I accepted that his reasons for not wanting to disclose this to me were both legitimate and deeply involved his self identify. He was born a boy, he said, he would never admit to be a female, despite his inconvenient anatomy. And THIS is, in the whole story, one thing I believe to this day. I saw the physical reality, I believed it.
For several months I talked to the boy, Jordan is the name he used. And I met his friends. He was pretty much an outcast, a loner, but an amazingly talented writer, bright, interesting…I told him I would make him my son, my second son, and if he could not be freed for adoption or fostering before he was 18, well he could move to my town and go to school…or pursue a future.
He had underestimated my determination, I did not want an online son, I wanted a real world son, just as my other son is real. I made plans, I said I would come to visit, I took steps.
The woman at first told me not to trust him, that he was crazy, that he stalked her for a long time…and then she had a change of heart, she said she had found happiness, well, he too should find someone, and if I would show that boy love, I would one day have a son I could be proud of.
At first he said he would do these things, then not, he had told me of disabilities, shaking, moving involuntarily, fear of strangers, fear of flying, many symptoms. I still don’t know if any of that is true by the way though some of the physical stuff probably is. All these things became obstacles to meeting, or to ever joining our lives in the real world.
And one day he introduced to me a new friend, a child really. But he gave me a plausible story about this child, his extraordinary abilities and intelligence… and then the child began to tell me that Jordan was mentally ill, that he was in fact, a sociopathic personality.
And it all came crumbling down. With a little help from that woman I came to realize that all the people I had met, a total of seven different people, were in fact this one boy.
Including the child.
A few weeks ago I cut off contact. But not surprisingly he kept writing to me. He needed me, he was not, he said, a sociopath, just misguided. He needed my love and he would be, could be honest with me…
For the past two days we have talked, I was not a pushover. I wanted facts, I wanted to verify them of course but didn’t see how to do that so instead I just insisted that I would find internal consistency as a way to at least begin to find trust.
Last night I sent an ultimatum, I said I was not getting the facts, and until I did I was not talking to him.
What I got was a message from the woman, she had periodically written to me, she had tried in ways to start things up again. I had come to some peace with her. She was berating me again for not choosing her over Jordan. She warned me that anyone I met through Jordan I could not trust, would be in fact, just another of his fakes.
And suddenly it was all clear to me.
He is the woman.
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I don't get no breaks--but I am putting that guy in the basement dungeon...
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Mar 20, 2012 11:01 pm
1622 Views
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So, being the good guy that I am I agreed to help Cody, a young man (21) who was unable to stay with his homophobic (alcoholic, drug addicted, Jesus addicted) mother and step-dad any longer; constant verbal abuse, threats, even guns aimed in his direction...he was saving up money to move elsewhere, to be close to his online boyfriend, Peter. I knew Peter first then met Cody online about six months ago.
I told Cody if things were unbearable he could stay at my place a while once my son and grandkids moved out and in to their new home. He arrived last week, his first ever airplane ride. He hopes to have saved up enough to relocate to Peter's town by the end of the summer.
Peter's parents don't like me, apparently. They have told him to keep track of Cody to be sure if he disappears they can call the police on me...I guess I am some sort of a serial killer in their minds.
And Cody's aunt calls to be sure he hasn't been 'bothered'...they don't much care for the boy being gay nor for him living with a gay man...Cody and I both thought that was pretty sad; but his family really knows no other gay person than Cody. They run on stereotypes, and his aunt really cares for him. "You are a good looking boy" she said..."If he was just thirty years older, I'd be interested," I said...
Oh well, on the good side, the young man is a good roommate so far, considerate, polite, clean, helpful. He is looking for work, he has never been out of his home state (North Carolina) and he loves Arizona; finds our mountains irresistible. He tells me my cooking is better than mom's (not saying much she opens cans and eats out of them). He's trying to talk Peter into coming here but..[note deletion: the primates apparently think it would be wrong to tell you that Peter is over the age of consent but not yet emancipated legally].. and not free to move...and his parents aren't about to say yes.
I think we'll tell those concerned adults that he sleeps in the basement dungeon. Give people what they expect, that's my motto.
I took him to his first ever gay bar (and then to a lesbian bar) on St Pat's day. I took him to the local Gay Youth group where he got to meet his first ever in=person gay youth other than himself...it's amazing to me that there can be a place like that in the US, where you know no out gay people at all.
(PS- hardly anyone in Arizona has a basement, and I sure don't. Nor a dungeon. I suppose I had to say that... )
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Sociopathic Personality - my encounter
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Mar 14, 2012 12:55 pm
1797 Views
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You may note that most of my blogs from December on have been deleted. They were ALL based on a false pretense. That I was in a helping and paternal relationship with a young man, or trangendered FTM.
He may be transgendered. I tend to believe this because it was so very consistent throughout the time we spoke and his physical appearance. He is a very very intelligent person, I know this by looking in awe at the breadth and depth of the deceptions and his final communications.
I am torn as to what to say at this point. I can say "you can never trust a word out of the mouth of such a person" and be totally accurate. You must verify every single thing independently without exception.
Or I can say "there can be a core of good in such a person, they can know themselves and seek to change and perhaps effect such change"
My research, my experience, and the wonderful input of Jack newfinder all tell me this may be true. It is true that he voluntarily revealed this -- well, pretending to be another one of the 6 or 7 people I allegedly interacted with, he said that the main character had that condition. But it was an intentional revealing. I have been deceiving you and I believe I am a psychopath. And subsequently the lesser condition of sociopath was established...
He has also said:
"I have been “evil”. A 180 degree turn is in the coming, however, understanding and realizing this… has already brought me half way there. I only need to make one more right angel… and I’m there. However, most people are only at 100-170 degrees, no one can make a perfect 180. My goal is to be at least 100 degrees… "
And finally
"What if this is all just a bunch of bullshit? How could you trust someone who has lied for so long? How can you trust someone who manipulates and plays for fun? You can’t. It’s a risk… But mind you, every time you meet someone new, you take a risk by letting them into your life. Take a risk and let me into your life as a new person? A clean slate."
I want to believe that I made a difference in even his life. I think on balance I probably did, and also that I simply can never be sure of anything. Nothing.
But I have rejected this request. I cannot bear the pain I have already been caused nor the damage already done...
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