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Chicken Post.....
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Apr 3, 2006 7:46 am
1750 Views
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Caught this one over on Adult FriendFinder and though it was funnier than hell. enjoy 
-Am
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog
and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for
the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. The farmer had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new BMW Z-3. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best
buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?
When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
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Gag reflex...
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Apr 2, 2006 10:04 am
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I don't have one. Not anymore at least. I spent a number of years 'training' myself if you will, using dildos just so, when the time came for me to finally suck another man's cock, I wouldn't have to worry.
Because of all that, I have almost no gag relfex at all now.
I have found that I'm able to open my throat to accomodate even the largest cocks.
I just LOVE that feeling also. It's almost like what they used to say about Linda Lovelace. I have a clit in my throat or something I guess
I can almost cum just by having a nice, long, hard, thick cock sliding down by throat. The feeling almost completely overwhelms me.
The ONLY problem I have is breathing. I don't know if you guys experience this or not but when I have a nice, long cock all the way down my throat, I can't breath. Nope, nada, not a breath. Not through my nose, no way. It just cuts all the air off. Damn, I wish I could learn to breath out of my ears or something.
I LOVE being in a 69 with another guy and I especially love being on the bottom. Having a guy fucking my mouth and throat is just like heaven on earth for me. I love reaching up and grabbing his ass cheeks, using my fingers to play with his asshole, feeling his balls slapping up against my nose, eyes and forehead. Hmmmmm. The only down side, once again, is breathing.
I also like being ontop in a 69, but it's really a different type of experience. In that situation, typically I'm MUCH more focused on my own cock and what my lover is doing to me and making sure that I'm 'feeding' him my dick in just the right way
That being said, on top is much easier. I can pull up and out whenever I need to in order to breathe, BUT I don't get that wonderful feeling of complete and total 'emmersion' with my partner that I get when I'm on the bottom.
I LOVE that feeling by the way. Totally and
completely covered by my lovers body. Virtually pinned to the bed or what not, unable to really move all that much, totally focused on him, his cock/balls, my mouth and throat.
All the while, my lover is sucking my cock, playing with my balls and ass at the same time I'm doing the same.. I can go forever like that, just completely engulfed in each other. Hmmmmmm...
Unfortunately though, I can quickly get to the point where I'm literally gasping for air and have to pull his cock out. I don't want to but damnit, even the Skanky Man Whore HAS to breathe sometimes.
Anybody out here know of a way to overcome this problem? Please share..... I want to be able to keep my lovers cock buried down my throat for hours, non-stop.
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Handjobs anyone?
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Apr 1, 2006 6:41 am
1833 Views
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As I'm sure most of you know, the SMW is addicted to sucking cock. Yep, I TRULY get off on sucking a nice hard cock. Shoot, just writing this has given me a nice 'stiffy'
My question to all of you this morning though is this.
Do you like giving and/or getting HANDJOBS?
I know I love both, giving and receiving. Unfortunately, when I'm on the giving end of things I just CAN NOT keep my mouth off the damn thing..
I do love the feel of my lovers cock in my hands. So hard but yet velvety smooth. When you grip the shaft, the skin slides over that hardness in just SUCH a sexy way.
One of my regular partners gives fantastic handjobs. He can really get me to quivering with his hands. He rubs the head of my dick mercilessly and I think takes a VERY inordinate amount of joy watching me squirm
Even worse, I've let him tie me down and do this. Man, it hurts SOOO good. By the time he's done with me, I'm a quivering mass covered in what seems like gallons of pre-cum.. It's heaven on earth fellas...
Personally, I just love it when a guy is sitting on a chair or couch, his legs slightly spread, me on my knees in front of him, worshiping his manhood if you will. I love slowly running the tips of my fingers over his cock. Lightly teasing him and watching as his dick jumps and throbs at every touch.
I've also noticed that a lot of guys cannot get off from oral sex only. No matter how you suck on them, fast, slow, deep, shallow, tongue, no tongue, doesn't matter. They NEED the rougher simulation that a good handjob provides.
I LOVE squeezing my lovers cock and most seem to really like that also. I know I do.
The aforementioned lover is a master at 'teasing' and tickling and keeping me right on the brink for what seems like hours and hours.
The feeling that I get is one of overwhelming desire and need. I WANT him to grab my cock and SQUEEZE it.. But he never does.
He's SUCH a bastard sometimes! (You know who you are and you know that I luv ya buddy!)
I guess there is a component of this that as to do with us all jacking our OWN cocks off. Isn't there? I mean jeez, we ALL have spent almost our entire lives giving ourselves handjobs haven't we?
I have another regular guy who like I said above, just can not get off via oral only. At some point I've GOT to take things in hand (or sometimes he does) and bring things to a wet conclusion. I certainly don't mind that at all, in fact it's kind of cool.
I LOVE the feeling of a guy having an orgasm in my hand. His cock throbbing and pumping. The muscles of his legs and but and abs tighten and release in rhythm with his cock.
The feeling of cum, sliding up through his cock, and finally exploding all over me, my hands and arms and all over him is incredible. I just LOVE that, don't you?
I also like playing with his cum afterwords, slowly using my finger tips to spread it around and work it all over is slowly deflating cock.
Now the SMW has NO problem getting off from oral only. Shoot, most times I have to try and NOT cum, literally with all my might. I'm just funny that way. I can cum in seconds, especially if I haven't cum in a day or so. The good thing is that I'm usually good for 2-3 more..
So, handjobs, the one thing we NEVER seem to talk about out here but I bet we ALL give/receive more of than almost anything else.
Thoughts? Do you have any special techniques that you want to share?
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Guess I've been lucky....
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Apr 1, 2006 6:15 am
1452 Views
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Good morning guys. Yep, I've been lucky. I've met up with a couple of str8 guys in the past and have always had a good time, hot sex and at least in one case, was successful in turning the guy on to man-to-man sex that he's now bisexual.
Well, didn't happen last night.
Good looking guy but I guess the chemistry wasn't there. Nothing bad happened, we were both very cordial etc.
Oh well... I learned my lesson. Unless there's some kind of REAL compelling reason, I hearby swear off str8 guys forever.
Just not worth it not matter HOW well hung they are.
Btw, I'm sure you ALL know this already, there are a number of str8 guys 'cruising' out here on OP. No doubt, they're just looking for a b/j.
Hey, I don't have ANY problems providing that, really but I'd MUCH rather be with another guy who truly enjoys being with me..
Call me strange that way
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Friday Jokes!!!
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Mar 31, 2006 9:37 am
1345 Views
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Of course, since I AM Jewish, I should know right? Enjoy.... (I especially liked the last two)
You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, viz., Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others? You've probably heard of them before, but don't you miss their humor? Not one single swear word in their comedy
There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.
A car hit ! an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!
1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."
5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdales.
7. A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good, " said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't
eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered. "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
8. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
9. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner
10. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."
11. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
12. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.
13. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
14. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.
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Do you name your dick?
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Mar 31, 2006 7:46 am
1473 Views
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I know a lot of guys who do name their dicks. Now I personally have never named mine but my wife did. She calls it "Tony"... Go figure.
She came up with that name very early on. I guess for two reasons 1) My dick does kind of have stripes on it hence the Tony the Tiger name 2) well, I AM a passionate type of guy so I guess the Tony the Tiger name fit for her
I had a friend of mine, many years ago, announce to a full car of people, guys and girls, that he had named his dick Fred. Why he chose to announce this in the backseat of my car, travelling from Orlando to Tampa on that particular evening is totally beyond me.
But there it was. Fred.... I never asked why he chose Fred. (Quite frankly, I really didn't care)
Of course, the girls in the car got a HUGE laugh out it.... and even further, they teased him mercilessly for the remainder of the trip and if I recall, for months afterwards..
So, do you name your cock? If so, what and why?
SMW
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The Skanky Man Whore and those lucious T-girls.
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Mar 31, 2006 6:32 am
1331 Views
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Yep, it's true. The Skanky Man Whore just LOVES t-girls. Can't get enough of em..
If you've followed my blog for very long, you already know this AND you probably read about my last t-girl fest.
Well folks, looks like I've been invited to yet ANOTHER T-girl fest. This time, even bigger and better.
Of course, the lucious 'Janie' will be there.. She's the best guys!! Along with some various friends of hers who are coming into town from elsewhere in the Midwest..
Once again, the SMW is walking on clouds. I'm SOOO excited and not sure if I'll be able to contain myself through the next week.
We plan on meeting next Friday. 'Janie' and I will meet first at her hotel. We plan on having a little one-on-one time together before her friends arrive later in the afternoon.
After that, it's a no holds bar t-girl FEISTA!!
WOW.
But wait, the SMW NEVER rests. I had already scheduled one of my 'Business Man Specials' for that morning.. A fine looking gentlement will be coming in from Boston the night before. He and I will be meeting first thing Friday morning for a little 'breakfest'.
Can the SMW handle all this nookie? Can his cock peform without going limp or being ground down to a nub? Will the SMW survive a day full of nothing but sex, sex and yes, even MORE sex.
Stay tuned for the answers to ALL of these questions and more...
SMW is now heading to the gym to get some excerise so he can handle the upcoming weeks adventures.
I'm just SOOOOO excited..
Cya!
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Do you have a female side?
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Mar 29, 2006 10:44 am
1515 Views
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I know I do. It omes out whenver I'm sucking on a good hard cock or on those few occasions when I let a guy fuck my ass.
At least I THINK it's a female side. I know I feel quite a bit different than when I'm on the recieving end of a good b/j or I'm topping someone.
At those time, I have the same, what I would call masculine feelings, that I've always had, even with woman.
I KNOW that I like being treated somewhat like a woman when I'm going down on a guy. I truly appreciate having my hair/head gently stroked, or my back, shoulders and arms carressed while I'm 'doing it'.
I feel VERY sexy also. Who knows, maybe I've just watched WAAAAY to many porn vids in my life but I tend to act, sound and really it seems FEEL the same way that those female porn starts are on the screen.
Now, I've never really been into cross dressing myself, although I certainly don't mind it when other guys or lovers do it AND I TRULY love t-girls, but I have tried it in the past.
Putting on a womans panties or hose or a bra or all of them at once is obviously a VERY quick way to get in touch with your female side.
So, these are just some misc ramblings. My question though is valid. Do we ALL have a female side? Do you? How do you know and HOW does it manifest itself??
btw, I've asked this same question, just a bit broader, over on AdultFriendFinder. I've asked the same question of the guys over there BUT I've also asked the woman if they have a MASCULINE side that comes out or that they can get in touch with. That should make for some intersting reading huh?
Peace! -tm
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Are you a giver or a taker?
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Mar 29, 2006 5:35 am
1371 Views
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I'm a giver.. Most definitly. There's NOTHING I like more than pleasing my partners. I love to spoil them completely. My partners gratification supercedes my own at all times.
Shoot, I'm easy
I love to spoil and pamper my partners and will literally do just about anything for them.
Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I just love the whole notion of giving yourself completely to another person. Being there for them, making them feel like a king. Doing the little things that make them feel so special.
Not just sexually either.. I was born in the Chinese year of the dog and, if you believe that stuff, one of my main traits is loyalty.
Well, I can definitly say that after 48 years of inhabiting this body, that IS one trait I definitly have. I'm VERY loyal to my friends and lovers. (I know I know how the fuck can I say that and still cheat on my wife! Interesting dichotomy isn't it? But that's for another post)
My other trait is being a giver. It comes from a yearning for acceptance.. Once again, that's a post for another day.
My dream 'date', is to take my lover out to dinner to a very nice, romantic place. Good food, great wine, even better conversation just turns me on no end. Afterward we would take in a little clubbing, dancing/drinking and just being together having a great time.
I would then take him home or to a very nice hotel and make mad, passionate love to him all night long. Making sure that every single want and desire is accomodated, leaving NOTHING undone or wanting.
I just LOVE giving myself to a person totally. It's the way I am.
So, are you a giver or a taker???
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Tuesday morning joke.
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Mar 28, 2006 7:02 am
1405 Views
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Auditor and the Rabbi
At the end of the Tax year, the Tax office sent an inspector to >audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned >to the Rabbi and said "I notice you buy a lot of candles, what do you do with the candle drippings?"
Good question noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh" replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.
"What about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" "Ha yes" replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo balls"
"I see" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well Rabbi, he went on, what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete Dick."
Have a great Tuesday!
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