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Alcohol
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May 18, 2012 3:24 am
91 Views
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Alcohol does NOT make you FAT. It makes you LEAN.
You lean against chairs, you lean against tables, you lean against walls, you lean against ugly people......
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5
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My Boss Called
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May 6, 2012 3:09 am
377 Views
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My boss called the other day. When I answered my cel phone he asked, "How are things at work?"
I answered, "Great. It's been a very busy day, but things are going along just fine."
Then he said, "Good. I have a favor to ask."
"What is it?"
"Can you move a little faster? I'm in the foursome behind you."
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3
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I Have A Question
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Apr 28, 2012 3:22 am
522 Views
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Do you think the guy who invented the vibrator heard a voice that told him "If you build it, they will come."?
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6
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I Got Expelled
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Mar 22, 2012 4:10 am
846 Views
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I got expelled on "Wear your pajamas to school day."
Can I help it if I like to sleep in the nude?
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1
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Lines From Some of My Favorite Songs
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Jan 27, 2012 6:36 am
1250 Views
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I got a right to sing the blues....
They went and raised the price of booze.
If you knew Suzie like I know Suzie
You'd know she used to be Sam.
Love thy neightbor
But don't let her husband see ya.
Non dimenticar
Means please don't dent my car.
Nights are long since you went away.
When you left you forgot your toupee.
Darling, je vous sem beaucoup
Means your teeth fell in the stew.
Let me call you sweetheart
I forgot your name.
You made me love you
You woke me up to do it. You woke me up to do it.
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2
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Just a Few Random Comments
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Jan 9, 2012 1:17 pm
1788 Views
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A good friend of mine has a drinking problem. He wanted to join AA but joined AAA by mistake. Now when he gets drunk, he has a tow truck bring him home.
I went to a restaurant that charged 25 dollars for a hamburger. For that price the waiter should take you in the back room and remind you of Guam.
I can tell my friend is a redneck because his mother didn't take the Marlboro from between her lips when she told the cop to kiss her ass.
I wanted to dress in style, so I bought a camouflage shirt. I put it in the closet and now I can't find it.
I went to a psychiatrist. He said, "You're crazy." I said, "I want a second opinion." He said, "Okay, you're ugly, too."
I willed my body to science. Science is contesting the will.
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3
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I Heard......
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Dec 30, 2011 11:56 am
1729 Views
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I heard that in 2012 they're going to make a black version of Shogun. They're calling it Sho Nuff.
I heard the favorite sport of the Mafia is Racket Ball.
I heard a nun got a sex change operation. Now she's a tran-sister.
I heard a hooker in Italy is called a pastatute.
I heard Colonel Sanders is opening a new restaurant in China. The motto will be Finger Rickin' Good.
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1
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My Favorite Christmas Song
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Dec 20, 2011 11:11 am
1850 Views
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Those of you old enough to remember Walt Kelly's comic strip POGO will know that every year around this time the gang in the Okeefenokee Swamp sang this Christmas carol:
Deck us all with Boston Charlie
Walla Walla wash and Kalamazoo
Nora's freezin' on the trolley
Swaller dollar cauliflower aligaroo
Don't we all know Archie Barrel
Lullaby, lullaboy Louisville Lou
Trolley Molly don't love Harold
Boola boola Pensicoola hullabaloo
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3
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